Finding Love
by rOcKeRfOoL
Summary: Jacob made Bella happy, he gave her the best four years of her life. But Jacob was in an accident. Can Bella cope with the loss of her husband? Can she survive the hole that's been forced into her heart? And who is this guy that claims he can make it better?
1. Dying Inside Of My Forever

**Disclaimer: **

**The characters from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyer. You guys know who those characters are so please, do not ask me to name them. However there will be a few characters that were not invented by Meyer, but by yours truly. I hope you guys like this story and I hope I make you go through an emotional rollercoaster.**

* * *

**Introduction:**

**"Death ends a life, not a relationship Bella. Just because he's not here  
doesn't mean you'll stop being his wife, but you can let someone else in.  
There's nothing wrong with loving someone else. Just let me in?"**

* * *

**Bella's POV**

**"Death is not the greatest loss in life.**  
** The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.**

As the cab came to a stop outside of my fathers' house I found myself drifting. The memories hunt me every day and being back in this town is sure to be the death of me. This is where we met. We were just kids, but even then I knew we belonged together. The moment he said 'hello' to me was the moment I truly felt complete…

_"Bells, come on they'll be here soon." Charlie yelled up the stairs. I was in my room taking as long as possible. My father-the a-hole that he is- invited everyone over for my birthday. He refused to listen to me and keep in low key, just me and him. No, he has to invite every cop, every single one of his fishing buds, and every single person from Forks high that call themselves 'my friend', of course they're all lying. I only have two friends from the monstrous school and that's Ben Cheney and his girl Angela Webber._

_"Dad, I can't believe you're doing this." I complained as I reached the bottom of the staircase. "I told you I didn't want a party. Now the house is going to be too packed."_

_"No it's not. Stop the damn winning Bells. You'll thank me later, besides how many times do I get to give my baby girl her last teenage party?" He took my silence as my defeat. "I thought so. So stop complaining and come on. I swear that wining stuff is from your mothers' side. I thought I raised a trooper."_

_"Yeah, a trooper who hates people." I mutter so low I was sure he didn't hear me, boy was I wrong. He laughed so loud I thought I burst an eardrum. That's when it happened. That's when the front door opened and the most beautiful man I'd ever seen walked through the doors._

_He was beautiful and I was in shock. He was tall, masculine, and beautiful, with gorgeous black short cropped hair. He was a god, a beautiful Indian god._

_"…Bells, Bells, Bells, Bella!" My father snapped his fingers in my face making me jump five feet in the air. My breathing was erratic as I shifted my gaze from that beautiful man to my father. I saw the smile as plain as day on my fathers face. My cheeks burst with fire and I found myself looking down and shifting my hair so it covered my face, holy shit._

_"Bells, this is Billy, and his son Jacob; Jacob's home from college for a few weeks. Guy's this is my pride and joy, Isabella Marie Swan." My father looked at me quickly as my full name left his lips._

_As the words registered in my head I began to chock on plain air. My father was never so verbose about his feelings, especially in front of other guys and for him to say my first name, knowing how I feel about it. I was on the verge of tears, but I held them back. I'm stronger then her. I felt my father tapping me on my back, attempting to get me to breathe again. I laughed it out._

_"Your pride and joy old man?" I asked amusingly._

_"Yes smart ass, my pride and joy."_

_"Hello," greeted the most masculine voice I've ever heard. It wasn't rough, or too butch, but it was smooth and one hundred percent manly._

_"Hi," I whispered shyly. On side of me I could hear my father chuckle. I wanted badly to elbow him the ribs, but I was just so…confused. I was never shy and who is this beautiful boy to come into my own home and make me such?_

_"Bells why don't you and Jacob go get something to drink. I need to speak to Billy about something important."_

_"Is everything alright?" I asked concerned, his job the first thing popping in my head. My dad's a field cop right now, but for me, he's working on becoming chief. I just hate knowing while I'm off at college he's going to be putting himself in the line of danger. I wouldn't be able to survive if something were to happen to him. So for that reason alone I asked him to try and become the new chief of police._

_"Yeah kiddo, everything is fine. Go." He said pointing towards the kitchen._

_I narrowed my eyes at him and he did the same, his scowl way more impressive then mine. I shook my head, letting a few giggles escape my mouth. My old man is the best._

_I made my way into the kitchen, Jacob on my heels. I could feel the heat radiating from his body into mine. It was the safest sensation I've ever felt. I walked over to the fridge, opening it up to get two cokes. I handed him his and we drunk in silence. I wanted to know so much about this beautiful creature, yet nothing would come out of my usually smart-alecky mouth, luckily he didn't have that problem._

_"So, Bella, right?" I nodded in confirmation, still unable to do anything but stare. "What grade are you in?" I stared for a few more seconds, watching as his two perfectly shaped eyebrows turned in on each other._

_"I'm graduating in a few days. What about you?" I asked, yet again, shyly._

_"I'm a sophomore at Washington State University Vancouver. So, graduation, that must be exciting?"_

_"You have no idea. Or, well I guess you do being in college and all. So what are you majoring in?" I asked before I could embarrass myself further._

_"Engineering, Genetic engineering; I know, I know, 'you're not exactly the kind of guy that sits behind a telescope and look at organism's'." He mimicked in what was supposed to be my voice. I couldn't help but laugh at the high pitch noise._

_"Oh that is so not me." I argued amusedly. He shook his head, not agreeing with me assessment._

_"Oh, that is so you, Isabella." He laughed. My laughter stopped admittedly. I hate my name. Even said from his tongue it's still ugly, which is a total paradox since the name itself means beautiful. "Are you okay Isabella?" He asked worriedly, making me flinch in response._

_"Fine, I have to go get dressed. It was nice meeting you Jacob." I turned heading for the stairs. I was almost at the point of break down when my father grabbed my arm._

_"Bells, what is it? What's wrong? Did he try something with you?" Charlie asked furiously._

_"Dad no, I just, I have to go get dressed okay?" He let me go and I flew up the stairs. I could hear his furious voice before I closed the door to my room. Fortunately it was cut off as soon as the door closed._

_I know my reaction was a bit dramatic, but no one understands, but my dad. **She** gave me that name. **She** thought that name some how described me perfectly and I **hate** her. She's the worst thing that ever happened to my father and the only thing she ever gave me was that name, and I don't want it._

_I was in my room for the remainder of the hour, pretending to get dressed. My father came up once to cheek on me, but I assured him I was fine. And now that I know the party has started, surprisingly I am fine. I waited until the door bell rung for the sixteenth time before I exited my room. Luckily I didn't see Jacob in the sea of bobbing heads. I feel so embarrassed for running away and crying like some first grade school girl. He doesn't know about my name so I shouldn't have acted as such, as if he knew and was trying to intentionally hurt me._

_"Bella?!" a familiar voice yelled, while at the same time pulling me away from the too crowded living room._

_"Angie, you came!" I gushed excitedly and jumped her. We tumbled to the floor, giggling and tickling each other. Angela is my all time best friend, but we can't tell Ben because he'd be angry that I chose her. He'd say something like; 'I was here first skank' then we would fall to the floor laughing._

_"Aw, so this is who my women left me for? Angie, I just want you to know that this girl does not have the goods that I have to satisfy you."_

_"Eww Ben, god just get down here." I pulled his arm and yanked him to us on the floor. He fell behind me and grabbed my waist. Angie was in front of me and she also grabbed my waist. I brought my arms up and placed them around their shoulders. It felt just like old times, like middle school all over again._

_"I'm going to miss you guys. What am I going to do without you? I hate stupid Harvard." They laughed and I joined in. The sheer possibility of Harvard being stupid was comical._

_"Bells you were accepted too. I still don't understand why you want to stay near this place."_

_"My dad, I can't be that far away from him, I just can't leave him. I can't be her."_

_"Everything will be fine Bella, you'll see." Ben assured, but I couldn't help the thought that he doesn't really know that from popping into my mind, because in reality he doesn't know that._

_"Bell, are you in here?" my dad called as he entered the dim lite kitchen._

_"Yes, down here dad." He looked down and shook his head at the sit of the three of use pressed tightly against each other. He glanced at Ben longer then Angie and shook his head again. "Well, when you and the sex twins are finished down there, you have guest to greet and mingle with." He reminded me._

_I smiled and turned to Ben, licking his face from his chin to his hair line. Then I turned to Angie and did the same. "Yummy. Daddy, I'm finished now, you may take me away to my death." I held my hands out for him to take and he walked over laughing and pulled me up. "I'll see you guys- I mean sex slaves in a bit." They laughed and stayed on the floor still entangled. I took one long look at them and huffed before I turned and walked out into the crowd of annoying phony's._

_As soon as I was in the living room I was attacked by every phony personally. I was hugged and touched and grabbed and prodded and embarrassed when Jessica Stanley actually complemented me. I know for a fact she hates me for sticking gum in her hair when we were four, causing her to get half of it chopped off. She's hated me every since that day, so why is she complementing me on my dress?_

_I dismissed the thoughts of Jessica just as Newton grabbed my wrist and swung me into a dance. "Hello Bella. You look pretty this evening." Newton is the schools everything; best football player, baseball player, soccer player, and basketball player. And one thing about Newton, he'll never let you forget any of it._

_"Michael-"_

_"Mike, just Mike." He corrected quickly._

_"Okay, 'just Mike', what do you think you're doing?"_

_"Dancing with you." He answered seductively-more like creepily- as if that wasn't obvious._

_"Okay, why?"_

_"Do I have to have a reason to dance with my girl?" See, that was another thing about Mike; he assumed too much, way too much. It's not like I've never thought of dating the guy, I mean he has asked enough for me to consider it, but I just have a feeling our brain waves are on two different stations, We won't have anything in common. Where I have brains he, like the scarecrow, has straw for brains._

_"Yes, because I'm not you're girl. Now please let me go?" I asked kindly. You only get kind from me once before I lash out. People hate when I lash out._

_"Oh come on Bella, you know you want me. You've always played hard to get, but I bet you're as easy as Jessica." That was it. That was the end of my kind streak. I pushed him away from me and pulled my fist back. Just as I was about to let it jerk forwards someone caught me by the wrist and yanked me away from the Jerk wad._

_"We're not finished you ass!" I yelled back at the offending asshole, glaring at him the entire time the unknown person led me out of the house._

_When we were clear of the crowd and I no longer saw the face I wanted so badly to smash in half I turned to glare at the person that dragged me away from what would have been Mike Newton's most embarrassing moment; getting beat by a girl. But as soon as my eyes landing on the enemy my back jerked up and I was no longer glaring, just really embarrassed. I'd thought he'd left after out whole kitchen ordeal._

_"You're still here?" I asked disbelief clear in my words._

_"Would you like me to go?"he asked sullen by the thought._

_"No, of course not, you're welcome to stay. I just thought the way I behaved…I just didn't think you would have wanted to stay."_

_"The way you behaved was to be expected. You behaved how I behaved when my name was brought up too. Only I've gotten over it, but still, I'm sorry. I should have just called you Bella like everyone else."_

_"He told you? Of course he did, my fathers not one for secrets. Did he yell at you? Of course he did, what am I even asking for." He laughed at my inability to let him answer for himself. "Are you enjoying your self?"_

_"I am now." He said smiling down at me. I hadn't notice our closeness. "So?' He asked casually. "Who was that guy you were dancing with, you know, the one I stole you from?"_

_I grimaced at the memory of the annoying Mike Newton. "He's a delusional fool that- if not for you- would be six, or maybe even ten feet under. He just pulled me into a dance, not even asking me and basically told me I was easy. I hate guys like that. I wanted to snap his little blond neck."_

_"I'll do it for you." Jacob whispered so low that I wasn't sure I'd heard right, but it most certainly sounded just like I think I'd heard it. I sighed in naivety. Why would he want to fight my mêlées?_

_"Do you want to go back in?" He asked abruptly._

_"No, can we stay out here for a while?" I asked desperately._

_"Certainly, we can stay out here as long as you want."_

"Bells?" My father called pulling me from my reverie. He opened the cab door and pulled my out of the car and into his arms. "Oh Bells…"

"I'm fine dad." I lied numbly. "I'm just a little tired, jet leg and all. Let me get my bags and I'll be right in."

"Don't be ridicules, Bell. Go into the house and I'll get you bags. Go!" He ordered in his familiar cop mode voice.

I nodded and headed towards the house I was just about to enter when the door swung open and an all too familiar and similar frame stood in the doorway. "Jacob?" I whispered as if my mind was playing tricks on me. "Jake?"

"Bella?" The frame called. I knew then that it wasn't him, it wasn't my Jacob. I'm loosing my mind. My legs gave way and I fell to the floor, my hands clutching my heart. "Charlie?!"

"Bells!" my father yelled seconds after the voice. "Billy, what happened?" He asked wrapping his arms around my torso.

"She thought I was him, she thought I was Jacob." A sob so violent left my chest at that moment that it made my head hurt.

"I'm so sorry Billy. It's entirely my fault. I'm to blame. He's gone because of me. It was my fault!" I screamed into my father's chest. "I took my own husband away from me. It was supposed to be me. If there's a god and he wanted someone he should have taken me, not Jacob, never Jacob, me. He deserves to be here. Oh Billy, I'm so sorry."

"Bella, please stop. It wasn't your fault and my son wouldn't want to hear you talking like this. He wouldn't want to see you like this. He loved you Bella and he would want to see you happy. Not like this, never like this." There was a moment of quietness, the only thing hear-able were my broken sobs, then my fathers arms left me, only to be replaced by my father-in-law, no, he's my father too, there's no father in law in it.

"It's going to be okay Bells. We're going to be fine. We'll make it through this together. You have a lot of family, you'll be okay."

"How can you say that? I lost my husband; do you know how that feels? Do you know how it feels to lose the love of your life? No, so no, don't you dare tell me it's going to be all right. 'Cause nothings ever going to be all right again, never." I yanked my body away from him and headed to my old room that, thanks to my dad, has been remodeled and repainted a light yellow. I couldn't stand it if I had to look at the room where we declared ourselves…

_"Can you believe that your dad is actually letting us share a room? I thought the chief of police would have strict rules when it came to his daughter."_

_"Oh babe, he does, that's why you're sleeping over there.' I said amusingly pointing to a cot on the floor across the room from my bed." I laughed as Jacobs face scrunched up into a scowl._

_"The floor Bells? It's going to be cold and hard and-"_

_"You're such a baby, Jake. It's just until my dad pops his head into the door to see that everything is up to his standards then you can jump right into bed with me. Then in the morning you can wake up at the crack of dawn to get back onto your cot before Charlie pops his head back in. Do you think you can do that?"_

_"Yeah, I think I can manage that, but I don't know if you're worth the trouble of getting shot if I'm caught."_

_"To hell with you Jacob-no middle name-Black, and to think, I would have taken the bullet for you. That sure does tell me how committed you are to us." I joked, and in less then a second his arm was around my waist and he was pulling me to my bed._

_We landed on the soft mattress with a few over exaggerated sighs and then we were silent, or at least I was. "You know I would take a bullet for you, don't you? I would take as many bullets as need be for you Bella Marie. I Love you."_

_My heart convulsed and then stopped beating all together. Love, he just said it and he's not trying to take it back. I turned in his arms to face him only to see that very word being portrayed beautifully on his face. I poked him skeptically, and honestly I just needed to see if he were real._

_"Are you sure?" I asked dubiously. He smiled softly and pulled me fully on top of him. This would be a very compromising position if Charlie just so happened to walk in._

_"Am I sure? I've never been surer of anything in my entire life. You, Bella Marie Swan, are the girl I'm in love with. Te amo mi muchacha hermosa. Le amaré siempre y un día le haré la mina por siempre, prometo."_

_"And what does all that mean? I hate that I took French instead of Spanish in high school." I pouted._

_"Roughly translated it means; I love you and I will always love you my beautiful girl, I promise."_

_"That's it? It seems like there should be more to it then just that. Don't get me wrong, that was beautiful and I'll love you forever too, but-" I was abruptly cut off by his lips smashing into mine violently. Of course I didn't have a problem with it and of course my dad would find that to be the perfect time to enter my room._

_"Okay," My father interrupted. Jacob jumped from underneath me, which, as always, resulted in me being on the floor. "Jacob, you get the couch, Bell? If I catch him in this room again, you're 'boyfriend' will be missing a few of his manly parts. Got it?" My father walked away and left me with a bug eyed, nose flaring Jacob._

_"Jake?"_

_"You love me." He said as he recovered from my father's threat. "You just said you loved me, Bella. You just said it."_

_"I've said it before." I argued, trying quickly to recall the other moments I spoke those binding words._

_"No, you haven't. I think I would have remembered it."_

_"Maybe you have a bad memory." I suggested._

_"Never, not for something as wonderful as that, you loving me, and me loving you. God I'm happy. How did I get so lucky Bell?"_

_"Because you said 'hello'."_

I lay in bed for days, my father checking on me only two times a day. I refuse to eat, to sleep, to move. I refuse to live. Why should I, when he doesn't. How does one 'muddle through' the rest of their life without their other half? It's impossible and I refuse to try.

Friday morning my father woke me and demanded that I eat something. He sat on the edge of my bed with a tray of food. I stared at him as if he'd grown two heads. He was a foreign creature to me, one I didn't understand, or recognized. A little over an hour later he gave up and left my room. I fell into a dreamless slumber…

I awoke to both sides of my bed being sunken in. I didn't open my eyes to see what was going on, but I knew, even if I didn't want to see, I knew. I knew because they would always be there for me. No matter the distance, or the problem, they will always be there, like I'd be there for them.

I turned over into the familiar smell of one million by Paco Rabanne. It was the same aftershave that Ben has been wearing since the ninth grade. He thought that Paco would help him find many women, but it only helped him find one, and honestly I don't think it was Paco that did it, I think it was all Ben.

I felt two pairs of arms encircle my waist and I knew that they understood, even if their love is only one person away, they understand. It's always been that way with us three. When one of us felt pain the other two some how felt it too. It's nothing we wished upon each other, but it was something we had to endure.

"Bell, you have to get up." Angela whispered into my ear. "We only have a few hours, then we need to be at the site. You have to be there. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't say goodbye."

"Angie?" Ben warned. Ben was always protective of me. He was my best friend before he was Angela's boyfriend. We grew up together, he was practically my brother, but when he met Angie and invited her into our little 'club'- if you will, it completed us.

"Bells, I don't know how you feel, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm here, forever. We both are." He promised.

"No ones here forever, Jacobs not here and I don't _want_ to be here."

"Don't talk like that, damn it Bells! You can't do this to yourself. You've lost, but you're strong, you've always been strong. You can get through this, if you can't, then how are we?"

Ben and Angie loved and respected Jacob. The moment they met him, they accepted him into our little 'club'. I was stunned, but truly thankful, because I knew I would love Jacob and I needed them to approve of him and they did.

"If you're not up in the next ten minutes, I'm going to drag your ass out of here Bell, I mean that shit. You're getting your ass up and you're going to go pay your respects to your husband. You're going to sit in that damn wooden chair in the front row and respect him, and if I have to tie you to that damn chair then I will. Now get moving." He ordered in a broken tone.

I haven't seen Ben cry since we were six and I stole his bag of Laffy Taffy's. The site of him so broken made me sob and break down. I cried hysterically into his chest until he pulled away and turned me over to Angie.

"I'm going to wait downstairs, Angie. You have about twenty-nine minutes to get her ready. If you need me call me. Bella, I know you can here me, and I just want you to know that I love you and that I'm here, please don't do anything stupid that will take you away from us, because _I_ won't live through that." With that he left the room.

When I was sure Ben wasn't in hearing distance, I leaned across the bed, away from Angela and hurled into the small bucket my father had sat on side of the bed upon my arrival. The doctors said I might have vomiting as a side affect, but I just didn't think it would be true. There's nothing in there anymore, why am I still suffering from that?

**A/N: "Death ends a life, not a relationship."-Robert Benchley quotes**


	2. The Funeral

**Finding Love, Chapter 2: The Funeral**

**Edward Cullen's POV**  
**"Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying.  
Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. ****  
Do it! I say. ****  
Whatever you want to do, do it now! ****  
There are only so many tomorrows." ****  
~Pope Paul VI (1897-1978)~**

I awoke to a furious downpour outside my window. This isn't the perfect weather for today's events, it's honestly too claque, a funeral in a storm, just like a movie.

I eased out of my bed, so not to awake Tanya, who rolled over and pulled the covers up further to her chest. I looked down at my beautiful fiancé and the bulge between her hips. I smiled knowing that I had everything I would ever need right here, but my buddy wasn't so lucky. I leaned over and gently rubbed her stomach before making my way to the bathroom.

After my long needed shower and a quick kiss from Tanya, I made my way out of the door and into my car headed to my sisters' house. My sister wanted me to give her a lift to the funeral, her boyfriend was already attending a funeral at Forks Cemetery and she didn't want to be at the cemetery longer then need be. Cemetery's give her the 'willies', she's twenty-four.

I pulled up to my sisters' condo and she was out front waiting on me. She slid into my car and I backed out of the drive heading through the small sleeping town to the cemetery.

"You're all wet." I pointed out as I drove.

"I know, but I was outside before the rain started and I accidently locked myself out so I couldn't get back into my apartment. This is so creepy Edward; it's like a bad omen or something."

"No, it's just Forks." I assured her.

We went quit as we entered the cemetery, something that we'd done since we were kids sitting at our grandmother Pearls funeral. I handed Alice my umbrella and she got out and came around the car to meet me as I cut the engine.

We knew exactly where we were supposed to go. The cemetery wasn't that big a place to get lost, but with Alice, any small place that doesn't consist of clothing gives her a reason to get lost.

I saw several people from my office standing under a tent about twenty-five feet from where we were, so I pulled Alice into that direction, we were late.

Timothy's funeral was nice. It was short and to the point. He didn't have any family, so there was no one to pay our respects to. Alice cried for the man that she had only met once, but he was so nice to her that she felt she could spare and few tears for him, and so she did. But this is the thing about Alice; once she starts she never stops.

I rolled my eyes as she walked over to Timothy's casket and sat a single blue rose on the casket. She'd ordered said blue rose last week so that it could be delivered today, and boy was it pretty pricey.

After Alice's moment with the deceased, we made our way further back into the cemetery to find her boyfriend Jasper. They've been dating for a year now, I have no idea how he's lasted, or why he hasn't popped the question, but I have a strong feeling he's in it for the long hall, and so is Alice.

Like I said before, the cemetery isn't big, so it took us no time at all to find the only other burial site. It was packed with all races, but mostly with Indian's and one I knew all too well. I haven't seen him in years, but I'd know that face from anywhere.

"There's Jasper." Alice pointed out her blonde haired boyfriend that stood behind a girl with straight dark hair who wore a dark one piece dress that buttoned down the middle. She was also wearing a pair of reading glasses.

Alice and I made our way over to Jasper and stood a few feet behind him. Well I stood a few feet behind him while Alice went ahead of me to comfort Jasper, for he was tearing. She'd told me that the person that was being buried here today was a great companion of Jasper's. And Jasper was heart broken when he'd learned of his friends' death.

I looked around the crowd at the grieving men and women as they mourned for their lost friend. I couldn't help but feel like a jerk for not understanding the pain they were clearly in. Their faces showed only part of their emotions and I'm sure if I could read minds I would feel the other part of their pain and I just knew, from their faces, that I wouldn't be able to take it.

But there was one face, pale and heart-shaped, that caught my eyes. I stared across the crowd and watched as her pair of dim, chocolate brown eyes stared into the distance. She looked void of everything around her. Like she didn't care what was being said as long as they finished it soon. She looked worse then the others; she looked broken.

As the casket was being lowered into the ground people started moving towards the broken girl, touching her shoulder and giving her hugs that she did not return. She just continued to stare into the distance, as if life was passing too slowly for her.

Jasper and Alice made there way over to the broken girl and waited in the line that had formed to speak to the girl. I waited with them, not taking my eyes off of the shattered creature. I don't know, or care how long we stood there before the line began to move. But before I knew it we were next to talk to the broken, pale skinned girl. That's when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" Embry Call asked as I turned around to face him. This was the Indian I've known all my life. "Did you know Jacob?" He asked looking at the casket. I shook my head and explained how I was here for my friend. He nodded in understanding and we had a small conversation about how awful this entire situation was and then I asked him who she, the broken girl, _was_.

"That's Isabella Black, but she prefers Bella. She's Jacob's wife, well I guess she's his widow now. Poor kid, they'd only been married for four years and in one day she lost everything that mattered most to her."

I looked back over at her as Jasper and Alice approached her. Alice just stood there silently while Jasper talked to _Bella,_ the broken girl.

"Bells," Jasper whispered. "I'm so sorry baby girl. I'll miss him too, but I want you to know that he loved you with all of his heart. He never once doubted his decisions when it came to you. You were his everything and he loved you. Here," He handed her a small business card, which she did not reach for, so he slid it into her purse. "If you need me for anything, call me and I'll be there for you. I have to go, but look, here comes Ben and Angie."

The woman with the glasses from earlier and a man about a good two or three feet bellow her came up behind the brown eyed creature, and each of them placed a hand on either one of her shoulders.

"Jasper?" the man called as he stuck his hand out for Jasper to take. "God man, it's good seeing you again."

"You too Ben, I just wish it could have been under better circumstances. This is so surreal."

"I know, but it's still good to see you none the less. Are you going to be in town for a while?" Ben asked.

"Yes, I actually moved here a while back. Bells know where I live if you need me. Hey, I'm going to go, give other people their chance to see Bells. I think we should get caught up before you guys leave town though, my numbers in Bella's bag. Give me a call Ben." Jasper said pointedly, glancing at Bella. Ben nodded and shook Jaspers outstretched hand.

It was my turn to talk to the beautiful torn women that sat grave side of her now late husbands' grave. I walked up, not looking at anyone but her. She didn't even notice me, like she didn't notice anyone else that was here. I kneeled down beside her and put my palm to her cheek, talk about bold.

I turned her face so that she looked at me when I spoke, her skin was so soft, but it stung. As soon as my fingers touched her skin it burned like electricity was surging just bellow the surface. I pushed the painful tinge away as I looked into those beautiful dead chocolate orbs.

"I'm sorry for your lose Bella." I murmured. "But I promise you you'll mend." Her eyes bored into mine and my breath caught as the little fire that was left in her eyes burned out right before mine. It felt like my words just made her worse. She turned away from, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular. But as I stood to leave I saw a tear roll silently down her face, and I knew I was right, she would mend, her fire will one day spark again and my only wish is that I'll be lucky enough to be there when it does.

Alice left the cemetery with Jasper and I left alone; my thoughts returning again and again to the broken girl. I think she needs help; she needs to be watched for a while. She doesn't look like the kind of person that takes these kinds of situations well. I'll have to make sure to ring Jasper and tell him of my concerns.

I arrived home shortly after departing from the cemetery. Tanya was still in bed, as she always was these days. The kid was taking a lot out of her and I wanted her in bed if it wasn't necessary for her to be on her feet. Luckily she complied with my wishes. I think she manly did because my dad came and gave her the same diagnoses.

She went slightly mad when she found out that she couldn't go shopping with Alice the next day. But Alice on the other hand was pleased. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my sister loathes my fiancé. It's infantile really, only time can improve their relationship.

"Eddie?!" she called. I cringed visibly at the nickname she'd taken to calling me over the past few months. She knows I hate it, she's seen my reaction to it, yet she still calls me by it.

"Yeah babe, would you like something why I'm in here?!" I called back as I walked through our home to the kitchen. Our home is perfect for us. When we saw it, we knew it would be ours, well Tanya knew. Before it, we were living separately; me, in a single room apartment and Tanya with her roommate Kate. But when I found out about the baby I had to man up, I was becoming a father and I couldn't-wouldn't have my kid living in anything but the best.

"No, but can you come to bed?! I'm lonely, I've been in here all day and the baby's being restless." I smiled, thinking of the baby giving Tanya hell all day. The baby was only ever calm when I talked to him/her. Other then my voice, it moved and kicked all day and night.

"I'll be in there in a minute. I'm just getting a drink!" I poured myself a glass of water and headed to our bedroom. She was there, of course; beautiful and glowing in the center of the bed. I smiled as I headed over to her, taking off my pants and shirt as I went. I knew exactly what she wanted; too bad she wouldn't be getting it.

I crawled into bed, slipping under the cover and heading straight to bed for an early nap. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. My father also told her, along with bed rest there was to be no sex; none, what so ever, no intercourse, no. She hates it almost as much as I do. As soon as my head hit my pillow I was dreaming.

_I was shocked to find myself back in Forks cemetery. I was even more shocked to find my family front side next to the mahogany closed casket. I looked around, noticing the site was filled with people I knew and loved; family and friends. And then one face caught my eyes and I stood numbly staring at the same beautiful, broken Bella girl I'd seen and touched this morning._

_She looked just as dead as she did this morning; her face contorted in hate and fear and anguish. But besides her was the body of a small little girl, her hand tangled with Bella's. She looked up at me as I approached her, her face as beautiful as the women next to her, both showing the exact same emotions, until the little girl saw me._

_"Daddy?!" she called out loudly, but no one paid attention to her. It was as if she didn't exist. "Daddy is that really you?" she asked, squinting her eyes as I kneeled down beside her._

_She was beautiful. She had my bronze hair, but her hair was beautifully curled to perfection. She had my emerald green eyes, but that was it. She looked more like the women-Bella- that held her hand then me. They had the same nose, chin; the curls of their hair were even the same._

_"I'm your father?" I asked the beautiful little girl._

_"Daddy you don't remember me?" She sniffled; tears forming in her beautiful bright greens. "You've only been gone for a week. You said I'd be your little girl forever, but you lied because you never came back home. Mommy cry's everyday for you. You should come home daddy, I think it would make mommy really happy."_

_"Who's your mother?" I asked wanting verification that the beautiful girl she looked like was actually her mother._

_"You don't remember mommy? That's going to make her really sad daddy. Mommy?" She called as she pulled on the arm of Bella. I had a daughter; a exquisite daughter, with Bella, the beautiful broken girl._

_Bell did not take notice of the little girl beside her. It upset the little girl more then I thought was possible for someone her age. "Mommy! He's not gone, stop blaming yourself and look!" She yelled._

_Bella did no such thing. The little girl tried a few more times, but Bella didn't budge. She refused to take notice of anyone, even her own child, _**_our_**_ child._

_"What's your name sweetheart?" I asked my sad, beautiful little girl._

_"Daddy how can you forget, I'm your unique little girl? You said so; you said you would never forget me. Please remember me." She begged as she yanked her hand away from Bella. Bella noticed that._

_I stood as Bella's head wiped around to face the little girl that was now clinging to my leg. "Carlie!" Bella yelled. "Carlie come back!" Bella yelled frantically. Carlie?_

_"No mom, daddy's right here, look, look at him mommy."_

_"Carlie please stop. Daddy's gone, daddy's in front of us, please Carlie." Bella begged as she grabbed hold of our daughter. I'm not gone, I'm right here._

_"Bella I'm right here!" I yelled trying to grab hold of my daughter as well. "Bella look at me! Look at me damn it!" she didn't, but Carlie can see me; Carlie, my six year old beautiful little girl. "Carlie Marie Cullen!" I yelled. She looked at me and a wide smile smeared across her face._

_"Daddy you remembered!" she yelled as she took her arms away from her mother and ran towards me full speed. I picked her up and held her close to my chest._

_"Of course I remember you, Carlie. You're my daughter, my unique little girl. Carlie Marie." I stood to face Bella who stood shocked in place. "Bella-" The words never finished forming before she was in my hands._

_"I told you mommy. He came back for us, like he promised." Carlie whispered. "You came back."_

_"Of course I came back. I'll never leave you Carlie, never. Bella?"_

_"How is this possible? I saw you're body, I saw you dead." She whispered low enough for me and not Carlie, who wind up hearing anyway._

_"Because mommy, we're dead too." Carlie whispered into my leg._

I was jutted awake from the horrid dream by Tanya's fingers sliding down my back. Thank god I'm a light sleeper. What was that dream? It was unreal for sure.

I had a daughter, a beautiful little girl, so perfect and smart, with Bella; the frail broken girl that didn't even really look at me. Who I'd only met once and who it pained me to touch. I'd met her once and already she stared in my dreams, as my wife none the less; my wife and the mother of my beautiful little girl. But that's not my reality; my reality is Tanya and our soon to be beautiful baby.

I rolled over, reaching out for Tanya's frame, she scooted into my side and rested her head in my chest. "Are you okay?" She asked as she rubbed small soothing circles in my chest.

"Yeah, fine, just a really bad dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No, I want to forget about it, though. So, what do you want to do for the rest of the day? What time is it, anyways?"

"It's just passing two. I have no idea what I want to do today, but tell me how the funeral was, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you." She apologized. "It must have been hard for you to see someone you know pass like that."

"I didn't know him, that well."

"But you used to call him buddy Edward." She insisted. "You used to call him 'my buddy'."

"That's because I didn't know his name, Tanya. I didn't want to call him that guy, or something. So I just called him buddy, and if people used to come up to me and ask who he was, I would ask them if they meant my buddy, over there. That's why I used to call him my buddy."

"You're losing it Edward Cullen. So how was Jaspers friend's funeral? Did you guys get to see him while you were there?"

"Yes, we saw Jasper. His friends funeral was much more heart moving then Timothy's, that's my buddy's name by the way. There were a bunch of people at Jacob Black's funeral. That was his name, Jacob Black. He was only twenty-six years old. And his wife, Bella, you should have seen her Tanya. She looked so, so not there. I got a chance to speak to her, but my words seem to hurt her more. It was the worse thing I've ever seen in my entire life. She looked so broken. I feel really sorry for her."

I trailed off thinking of Bella, yet again. I want to help her, but I have no way of getting in touch with her again. No, I don't, but Jasper does. "Tanya do you mind if I go out for a while? I want to go over to Alice's."

"Can't I come? I don't want to be here again all by my lonesome."

"Um, are you sure you want to come, it's still raining out there. You'd get wet." Tanya had some thing about rain water touching her hair. I never paid much attention to it, because I didn't understand it, but today I would use it. I didn't want her to come, I didn't want her to know yet, she might not approve of my wanting to help Bella. Tanya's sort of possessive when it comes to me.

"Rain you say? Well that'll be no problem; I have a rain coat and an umbrella. Wait five minutes and I'll be ready." She scooted off of the bed and wobbled into our bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

I dressed quickly, hoping that Tanya would understand why I want to do this instead of making a argument about it. I would have totally used bed rest on her, but she'd bit my head off if I would have implied in anyway that she should stay.

I dressed quickly, my mind moving at a snails pace. How am I going to help her? I thought. She doesn't even know me and she couldn't even look at me. She was numb to the world, and she made sure we knew that nothing was going to get through to her. She blocked us out, probably only thinking of one thing, or I guess person would be more appropriate. I can't help her, but I can still tell Jasper of my concerns.

"I'm ready!" Tanya called excitedly as she exited the bathroom dressed in her Soia Kyo raincoat that she just had to have. Guess what, it's too small for her now. That's because she went for style and not comfort like I asked her to. I think she does things like that to spit me. I have no idea why she would want to spit me; I'm only ever trying to look out for her, keep her safe.

"Okay, come on; let's get over there before the weather get worse." I grabbed her hand and helped her out of the house. She just wobbled along side of me and I couldn't help the few giggles that escaped my mouth. She glared at me through the down pour.

As soon as I got her into the car and ran around to get in myself I blasted the heat. She needed it; her nose was already turning a faint pink. I knew she shouldn't have come. Well it's too late for that now. I started the car and was driving down the main road in the matter of seconds.

Forks is a small town, like I said before. They don't have a lot of choices to choose from; school's, jobs, homes, everything is pretty limited. So I was highly surprised when Jasper moved down to be close to Alice and found this amazing cottage in the middle of Forks woods. It's a pretty secluded area, six or so miles deep into the woods and it's pretty hard to find if you've never been there before, luckily I have.

The turn off was easy enough to find, and slowly but surly we made it to the very secluded and beautiful cottage. This is where Jasper and Alice spends their afternoons; renovating his cottage so they can move into it. The place needed a lot of work and Alice refused to move in before the cottage was up to code. Jasper, who would do anything to make Alice happy, gave in almost instantly. So for the last few months they've been renovating the cottage and living in Alice's condo where I picked her up from.

I pulled into the drive of the cottage and ran around my car with my umbrella to get Tanya. She wobbled her way out of the car and under the umbrella. I held her close as we walked to the front door.

We'd just made it to the cottage door when it swung open. "Edward?" Alice asked excitedly. But then she took in the figure beside me and her enthusiasm went down a few notches. "Tanya." She sneered in greeting.

"Alice." Tanya greeted politely. I have no idea why Alice hates Tanya. I've never seen Tanya be anything but nice and polite to Alice, and to be honest Alice doesn't deserve her politeness at the moment.

"Alice, can we come in?" I asked impatiently.

"Why no, come on in." She moved back, opening the door wider for us to enter. I let Tanya go first, already cheering back up as she stepped inside the cozy, warn cottage.

"Is Jasper home?" I asked Alice as I entered, taking off my jacket as I did.

"No, he's taking a drive. He's not dealing very well with everything that's going on. He jus keep saying; 'I just talked to him two weeks ago, I just talked to him two weeks ago'. I told him to go take a ride to clear his head because I really just don't know what to do. He's known Jacob since he was six years old. That's a long time to know someone and then lose them in the prime of their life. He's so broken up about it Edward. I feel so helpless."

I walked over to her, hugging her tightly to my chest. Alice wasn't one to lose herself, but when it came to Jasper she was so sympathetic. It was like their emotions were connected, he cry, she cry, he smile, she smile. That was their relationship and through that you could see how much they loved each other. Besides my parents, I've never seen anything like it, not even Tanya and I have it.

"He'll be fine Alice, you'll see. And you being here when he comes home is all he's going to need. I guess Tanya and I should be going…"

"No, stay for while, at least until Jazz comes back. I was just taking a break when I saw you're headlights. So what did you guys come over for anyway?"

"Eddie wanted to come out here, I just tagged alone."

"Eddie?" Alice mouthed in question, before she exploded with laughter. I rolled my eyes and Tanya looked at her like she was losing her mind. After a very long minute, Alice chilled down and offered us a seat and something to drink.

"So, 'Eddie'," I glared at her, causing her mouth to twitch in amusement. "What did you do after you left the funeral?"

"I went straight home. Tanya was there alone and I didn't want her to be too bored." I said kissing Tanya's right temple.

"Lot of help that did; he came home, went straight to sleep and had a nightmare. He talked about a 'Carlie' in his sleep." My eyebrows furred and I looked at Tanya sideways.

"You didn't tell me that." I accused, annoyed that she felt the need to tell Alice this, but didn't find the need to tell me this in the privacy of our own home.

"Who's Carlie?" Alice asked curiously.

I took a deep breath, trying to sort out my dream as I remembered it. I didn't need all of the time I took, but how do I saw, oh, she's my dream daughter I had with the broken girl, Bella, we met at the cemetery today?

"She was this little girl that appeared in my dreams. I've never seen her before, or even thought of that name before today. She had my eyes, my hair color," I smiled as I remembered who else she looked like.

"OMG," Tanya exclaimed. "You dreamed of our daughter, Edward." Tanya hugged me excitedly. My eyes extend and Alice saw the conflict surging through them before I could close them to keep her out. "Was she beautiful Edward? Of course she was, if she's anything like you just described. Did she have any of my features, my nose perhaps? Or my eye shape? I would rather her have a mixture of our eye color instead of just green."

I breathed a heavy sight down her back and squeezed my eyes tight; fitting the urge to tell her that she was not the little girls' mother. "Edward's eyes are not just 'green' Tanya." Alice argued. "They're emerald, a very unique color. I'm sure she was a beautiful little girl Edward." I smiled up at my sister, silently thanking her for her opinion.

"Of course she was beautiful, I'm her mother. Anyway, I don't like the name Carlie; we should go with something like Amanda, or Brooke. I like Tina though."

"Tina?!" Alice jeered. "That's hideous. Carlie is a way better name then Tina."

"Well I'll be her mother there for the naming of my child will be up to me."

"And Edward," Alice cornered. "You know, her father. He is her father isn't he Tanya?" My eyes widen as Alice asked my fiancé if I were the father of her child. Of course I'm the father. Tanya would never…

"Alice," I warned, firmly before Tanya cut me off.

"Of course Edward's the father of my child. You're a real witch Alice. How could you ask a question like that? I think we should leave Edward. I should be in bed."

"I think you're right Tanya. I'll talk to you later, Alice." I said as I walked over to the coat rack to get Tanya and my coat. Alice just rolled her eyes and headed towards the kitchen with the cups of water she made us, but never gave us.

As we were zipping up our coats I remembered I never got to talk to Jasper. I guess I'll just have to do it another time. Alice was completely out of hand asking Tanya something like that. And I did not appreciate it. So we were leaving and i would tell her about herself later.

Tanya was just grabbing her umbrella when I opened the door. I froze, dazed by the figure that stood before me. "Bella?" I whispered to the shivering, soaked girl drenched in water before me.

"Jasper," She managed between grinding teeth. "Please help me?" She got out before she collapsed into my surprised arms.

* * *

**A/N: Did you guys like it???**

**Please please Review...Chapter 3 will be better!!!**


	3. The Blackouts

**Finding Love, Chapter 3: The Blackouts**

**Bella Black**  
**"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend"**

I awoke to a dim light, my head killing me, my body feeling like a heavy weigh. For a second I was frightened, the light didn't rise from the west like it always did, instead it rose form the east. That's when the events of last night came to me. They weren't rushed, like nothing these days were, but they were clear and heartbreaking and they answered the question of why I was in someone else bed, in someone else's clothes.…

_I was sitting in my room and Ben and Angie came in to say goodbye to me. They were heading home to be with Julian; their two year old son. I was perfectly fine as they said goodbye, I was happy, well has happy as I could be for them at the moment, but then they showed me; they showed me a nice little picture of the two of them and Julian; sitting on the porch in the porch swing like a nice little family. Ben had his arms protectively and lovingly around the two most important people in his life and Angela had a beautiful motherly smile as she looked down at her beautiful little boy and Julian looked like the happiest little boy in the world, as if nothing could go wrong to ruin his little bubble and I hated it. _

_For the first time in my entire life I hated my best friends, I hated my brother and my sister. I hated that beautiful little boy that had a living, breathing father and a mother who was whole. I hated the smiles on their happy little faces and then all of the things about them that I hated came back to me. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated the little thing that was inside of my body that was taken from me. If I wouldn't have wanted it, if he wouldn't have wanted it, then Jacob would be here, but most of all, I hated him for leaving me like this; with broken memories and an unwanted reality._

_I wanted to scream, and kick and break something and curse them for being so happy and for having each other and that beautiful little boy. I wanted to blame them and tell them to go to hell. I wanted to die and bring them with me. I wanted to continue to remember my broken memories, but most of all I wanted to forget_….

--------

_"So, what's my surprise?" I asked excitedly. Jacob looked at me as if I was insane._

_"Do you honestly think I'm going to tell you that? I thought you knew me better then that." He feigned disappointment. I grabbed his waist and pulled him to me, holding him tightly against my frame._

_"I know you better then I know anything in this entire world, Jacob Black. Now give me my goddamn present." I ordered in my serious tone that he refused to take serious._

_"No ma'am. This is a surprise Bell, please let me have this one?" He begged jutting his bottom lip out, mimicking my pot. I hate that I taught him my -tricky-get what I want- pout. He uses it against me all the time._

_"Fine, if you wont tell me my surprise, then I won't tell you yours." I turned from him, about to start my walk towards the kitchen when he pulled me to him, his chest against my back._

_"And what might my surprise be?" He asked his voice dropping to that low, sexy murmur that always gets me._

_"Well, that's for me to know and you to find out, which you won't because you suck at finding things out." He snorted and twisted me in his arms._

_"Really? Than how did I find out you had a pair of SpongeBob panties in your top drawer, left corner at you're dorm, or how about your sailor moon wands in the back of the closet at your fathers house?"_

_"Okay, okay, you win, I'll show you, but only if you promise to show me mine, and never bring up the wands again, our daughter may want them one day then you'll be sorry, deal?" He pretended to think about it, but then suddenly a Cheshire smile smeared his face and left me confused. _

_"Fine," He caved easily, too easily._

_"What are you up to, Jacob Black?" I asked suspiciously._

_"Oh you know, just the perfect gift." he retorted innocently, too innocently._

_I rolled my eyes as he took my hand and led me out of his dorm room. We walked down the barley populated hall until we came up on the stairs. We took them down two to three at a time, he was excited._

_When we made it to the car he practically threw me in and ordered me to buckle up before he was even on his side and buckled in. I laughed at his enthusiasm, knowing this was a great prize if he was this animated about it._

_He drove and drove, not telling me where we were going. He took street's I had no knowledge even existed. But then he came upon a road I knew all too well. I knew this road because this is where my present for him is._

_"Jacob, what are we doing here?"_

_"This is where my presents are. Why are you so panicky?" e asked confused by my sudden fidgeting._

_"Because this is where my present for you is." His eyes widen just and bit then he looked as me in disbelief. I stared into his eyes and busted with laughter. No way in hell? "We did, didn't we?"_

_"Yes, I think we have." He laughed and what do you know, Jacob pulled right into the driveway of his surprise for me and my surprise for him. "How did you find is?" He asked quietly staring at the beautiful home before us._

_"I was driving around aimlessly Tuesday and ended up here. Its perfect isn't it? I could just see us living here, Jacob. I could see us growing old here, and having Christmas dinner here with our family. This is our house."_

_"I know; I brought it completely yesterday." My eyes widen as I looked at my beautiful boyfriend beside me._

_"Y-you really brought it?" He nodded, watching me cautiously. But there was no wrath for him not letting me pay half like he knew I would have insisted on until he broke. I only felt so joyous and whole in that one moment that I threw my arms around his neck and held on for life. I felt tears run down my cheeks as I clung to my future everything._

_"This isn't it. The most important present is inside, so come on." He jumped out of the car, coming around to get my door. I took the hand he offered me and allowed him to pull me out of the car. He led me into our brand new home and led me into the living room. Once we entered my chin hit the floor._

_On the floor, over the beautiful brick fire place mantel were maybe hundreds of burning candles; tall, short, medium, it was the most spectacular site I have ever seen in my entire life. "Jake, this is-this is wonderful. When did you have the time to do this?"_

_"I did it while you were at school. I was hoping the candles wouldn't burn out, or burn down the house, thank god they didn't. Do you really like it?" He asked nervously._

_"Like it, I love it Jake. You are the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world. I love you so much, baby. I can't wait to move in with you."_

_"That's great, but I want to do this the right way, Bell. I don't want to live out of wedlock with you. So…" she said trailing off and bending down on one knee. My breath caught and my eyes blurred, my head was light and I swear to the moon I swayed. He pulled out a little black box, opened it up and flashed a very beautiful, very medium, platinum antique engagement ring. "Will you, Bella Swan do me the honor of becoming my beautiful wife, the mother of my future children, the head of my-_**_our_**_ new home and the completion of my life?" I stared, open mouthed at my amazing __fiancé__. Yes, I just said that word, that six letter word, 'fiancé'. "Bell?"_

_It took me a moment to realize that in order for him to be my 'fiancé' I had to actually say, "Yes! Yes, a trillion and one times over. I love you so much babe."_

_He jumped up, lifting me in his arms and spinning me around. "You said yes!" He exclaimed happily. "You beautiful, wonderful, amazing, talented girl; you said yes to me."_

_"I'll always say yes to you Jacob, always." _

_"And forever?" he asked rhetorically, but of course I didn't know that until later._

_"There are no forever's Jacob." I stated stupidly, probably ruining the moment._

_"Of course there are, Bell. We're going to get our forever soon, because you said yes."_

_"I'll say yes to you until the day I no longer have air in my body, 'til the day I leave you here on this earth, Jacob Black."_

_"If you should die before me Bella, ask if you could bring a friend."_

_"Will do, so forever?" I asked surrendering to him._

_"Forever." He promised…_

_--------_

_He __**lied**.__ He lied about forever, he lied about everything. I jumped from my bed, knocking Angela and Ben out of my way, as I ran out of my room and down the stairs. I didn't grab anything as I ran out of the front door. I just ran, not heading in any specific direction, just running, for the freedom. I was never good with equilibrium, though, so of course I fell a few times, but I kept going, not wanting to stay in that house any longer._

_Sixteen falls, two scrapped palms, and a head injury later I was somewhere in the woods. I walked around aimlessly, my feet killing me, my muscles sore, my head slaughtering me, my hands stinging, and my memories taking over my mind. I just wanted to rest, but I was lost. I shouldn't have ran, that was so stupid, I should have just asked them to leave. I shouldn't even be blaming them, they didn't do anything wrong. They did just we all planed to do, have a family, live their life. I shouldn't hate them because their plan succeeded and mine died. I shouldn't hate them, but I do, I can't help it._

_I walked a good twenty feet through ferns and moss when I saw a pebbled path. It stretched out to my left and my right and I had no idea which way to follow it, so I just went right. It has to end somewhere sooner or later. I just hope its sooner._

_I must have been walking for almost an hour when I felt the first drop of water land on my forehead. I cussed the heavens and anyone else that listened. Can my life get any worse? Just then a bolt of lightening wiggled in the sky, making me cringe and flinch. I'm afraid of lightning. _

_I walked, nearly running in the direction I'd chosen. I didn't want to be out here any longer. I want to go home. But where is my home? It's not my dad's house; it hasn't been there since I met Jacob. It's not in La Push; because I won't dare taint his childhood memories by bring myself there. It's not our home in Vancouver. And I certainly can't go to Ben and Angela's; I'd destroy everything they worked so hard to build. I can't go back to that life; I'd spoil everything that's left, everything he loved._

_The rain came down, finally. I was beginning to think someone was just messing with me with the lightening, which did not give up. I was cold and wet and alone, all things that I distaste very much. _

_Thanks to the rain the clouds got darker, effectively hiding the little sun that stuck around during the storm. It was dark, and shadows from the trees and small animals were beginning to frighten me out. I held on to my midriff tightly as I walked, focusing only on the road before me. I was so focused that I didn't even realize the sudden light that came from behind me, a car. Two bolts of white light spread out behind me, making me glance back. I would have stopped walking and asked for help, but from what I could make out there was only one person in the car, and it was a man. I'm not in to trusting men I don't know right now._

_I moved to the side, walking into the grass so that the car could pass me, but it didn't. I continued to walk a little further, not giving my attention to the car, but still it never passed me, it followed me. Panic began to form in me and so I picked up my pace, so did the car. My pace moved from a walk to a run instantly, self preservation making itself known inside of my body. I 'm not one to let someone take advantage of them, especially not some sick Frikk in a expensive car._

_I wind up sprinting; only tripping twice. The car, are better yet the person inside of the car begin to blow his horn, which only made me run faster and trip more. I suddenly found myself at a cross road, turning right there was nothing, but left there was a house about a hundred feet or so away. I went left, screaming for help as I went. The car behind me must have stopped, because I heard the slamming of a door, which only edged me on._

_As I approached the house a sensation of familiarity washed over me, a safe and tranquil feeling that only impelled me on more. I reached the door quickly, quicker then I would have imagined, only looking over my shoulder once to see the figure still coming for me. Before I could knock on the door, it swung open and I was instantly met by a pair of green eyes, staring dazzlingly into mine. I took a quick look behind him, noticing two women, one I'd seen before, her short hair and frame, very familiar…Jasper, she was with Jasper. I took a quick glance at the house before me and knew exactly where I'd run to. Without even knowing it, I'd run home. _

_"Jasper," I managed between clinking teeth. "Please help me?" After the words escaped my lips, I felt extremely light headed, and knew what was coming for me know, and not to my surprise at all, everything went black…_

------

I stood; my head still light from yesterday's activities. I was warm, which was new, and my hair was dry. I felt soft fabric slid across my skin and looked down. I was in a nightgown, yellow with blue flowers around the bust line, it was nice, and soft. I walked over to the room door, opening it and knowing exactly where the living room was. I was not wrong, and I was not dreaming. I was home, but it was damaged; walls being repainted, pictures gone, Jacob gone.

"Bella?" a velvety voice murmured. I jumped, my body swinging around in reaction. I almost fell, my feet tangling together, but a pair of strong, warm hands encircled my waist and held me up. I leaned into the body, mechanically breathing in the scent of frame against mine. The smell of sweet nectar and a woodsy aftershave admittedly caught my attention, Jacob smelled like woodsy aftershave.

"Bella," a familiar tranquil voice called. I admittedly snatched myself away from the arms the held me and ran towards the voice I knew so well.

"Jasper," I whisper, as a tear fell down my cheek.

"Bells, what are you doing out here?"

"I ran away. I just couldn't be there anymore. I didn't know I was coming here until I was at your door. Someone was following me." Jasper cleared his throat nervously. "You were following me. I stated already knowing it was him in the back of my mind.

"I was on my way back from taking a dive when I was saw someone walking onside of the road. I couldn't see your face through the rain, but I saw it was a woman. I speed up to get onside of you, to offer you a ride, but you began to run. When you fell, I knew it was you so I got out of my car to come after you, but you just ran here, I followed. Are you okay, you don't have a cold are anything?" I shook my head and assured him I was fine.

"So you ran away? Why Bells, Charlie must be worried sick right now and Billy…" he trailed off, squeezing my stiff frame.

"I just couldn't be there anymore." I croaked out, more tears falling. There was a throat clearing brought us out of our embrace and made me a wear of others in the room. There were two women and the man with the green eyes. I looked to Jasper, wiping my eyes as I did. "Who are they?"

"Oh, sorry." He stepped away from me, heading to the shortest of them all. She was a small girl, five foot-five foot two no taller-short, black, neck length hair sticking out in every direction- and a transmittable smile. "Bell, this is my girlfriend Alice Cullen. Alice this is one of the most amazing girls I know in this world, my second best friend Bella Black." I flinched when he said my married name. I'm not sure if that's who I am anymore. Jasper didn't notice, but Alice did. "You might have met a few times briefly, but I don't think you were ever properly introduced."

She reached out for my hand and I grabbed hers half-heartedly. "It's nice to have met you properly Bella." I nodded my head, words stuck in my throat. After second of silence there was another throat cleared, a women. She was blond, her skin glowing to a certain degree that I'm not sure is natural, her face beautiful, and her body fat- no, not fat- pregnant. I turned away from her, memories threatening to escape. She must be right around the time I was, or a little further.

"Sorry," Jasper murmured moth sounding sorry at all. My lips turned up at the edges just a bit. "Bell this is Tanya Denali and this is Alice's brother, Edward Cullen." I glanced quickly at the girl and nodded before turning away, but when I turned my eyes met Edward Cullen's vibrant green ones and for the first time since I've seen them I noticed they were actually emerald, not just green. He held my gaze and in that second I realized I'd seen those eyes before.

I don't recall how long we stared at each other, I just recall the bond walking beside him and wrapping her arms-as far as they could go-around his waist. I turned my head from the act of affection, my heart lifelessly aching.

"So you're the girl with the dead husband?" the blond asked spitefully from across the room. A sob escaped my throat at her words that made me crumble to the floor. I only remember the darkness…

I awoke in the same room as before, the same bed, and the same people I saw before I blacked out, everyone, but the fat girl. "Bells," Jasper called as he kneeled at my side.

"What happened?" I asked through the dryness of my throat.

"You fainted, Bells. Are you okay?" I nodded my head, feeling a dull, but building ach at my left temple.

"Do you have a Tylenol, or Aspirin?" he nodded and looked over to the short girl with spiky hair, Alice.

"Bella," Jasper stared once again. "I called Charlie, he'll be here soon." My head fell back to the pillow when his words escaped his lips, and my vision began to blur once again, but not before I heard the velvet voice I'd heard earlier speak.

"I think I'll call Carlisle as well, she doesn't look to well."

----------

"…la…ella…Bells…Bella, Bella." I heard the panicked voice of my father as I stirred. He was beside me while unfamiliar hands probed my face and touched my skin with cold objects. I willed my arms to move so my hands could knock the objects away, but that only cause whoever the attacker was to chuckle.

"She's fine, Charlie. She just needs to eat something, and drink liquids, pure water is best, but vitamin water would do. And let her get some rest, her mind needs the time to be patched up, to mend.

"Thank you Carlisle. Thank you so much for helping my baby girl. She's been through a lot you know, she's still going through a lot and I just…I don't know how to help her."

"Charlie," I whispered. Wanting to tell him I loved him, but there was nothing he could do. There's nothing no one can do. The only person that could help me is gone.

"Charlie?" a much stronger voice called out. I admittedly knew it was Japers. "Can you for I speak to you for a moment?"

"Of course, excuse me Carlisle?"

"Of course." The man replied, his voice soothing as well, but it also held in it care and respect towards my father. His voice was also familiar, I'd heard it before and a memory of my childhood jumped to the front of my semi-conscious mind, but I pushed it away by focusing on the new voice that began talking when my father left the room.

"Dad how is she?" the velvet voice of the man I remember as Edward Cullen asked.

"She's fine, Edward. Just a little dehydrated which I fixed, but she still needs to drink some. She needs to eat as well, maybe you can go-"

"Alice is fixing her something to eat." Edward said cutting his father off.

"What are you doing out here anyway Edward, and why would you bring Tanya, she's supposed to be in bed."

I heard a long sigh before Edward replied. "I came out here to talk to Jasper, about _Bella_ actually, and Tanya just wouldn't stay home. I had no idea she would say what she said to _Bella_. I sent her home after I carried _Bella_ in here. What Tanya said is going to hurt her for a while, isn't it?"

There was another sigh then a very low, 'yes'. I felt myself slipping deeper, their conversation now tedious. The last things I heard was a door closing and Edwards voice beside my ear. "Sleep _my_ _Bella_," He said. "and dream of me as I have of you."

_That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen…._

_

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**A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter...I didn't, because there wasn't a lot that happened, but I had to put it so she could meet Edward face to face. UGH!!! Sorry.**


	4. Horrid Past and Shit For Mothers

**Finding Love, Chapter 4:  
****  
Edward Cullen**  
**  
"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book(Lady Chatterley, for instance), or you take a trip, or you talk with Richard, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom(when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this(or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death." Anais Nin**

* * *

  
After Bella fell asleep I tucked her in and made my way into the living room. Charlie, her father, and Jasper were in a discussion that wasn't going too well. Charlie was obviously disagreeing to whatever Dr. Jasper was saying, but Jasper wasn't giving up.

"Charlie, this is a wonderful idea. She's not going to be able to heal if she stay's where it all began. Your house is where they went a lot. She has millions of memory's there with him. It's going to hurt her far worse to stay at a constant reminder."

"That's her home, Jasper. If she wants to be there and not here I won't tell her other wise. She's a grown woman and we both know she's stubborn. If she doesn't want this I won't force her. Besides, where is she going to go?"

Jasper seemed to take a break from talking to think. That only took him a few seconds then he was right back at it. "Here," he stated matter of factly.

"What!" I shouted, speaking for the first time. Both men looked at me like I'd grown two heads.

"What's wrong with here, Edward?" Jasper practically demanded.

"Didn't you say they owned this place? What would bringing her back here do to her?"

"Yes, they owned it, but she hasn't been here in over three years. Her memory's here are dull in comparison to her memories there. Look, I don't expect you to understand, you don't even know her, but when Bella loves, she loves with all she's got, when she hurts, everything hurts, what I'm saying is she's passionate and this, this could kill her. It can bring her to the point where death sounds a hell of a lot better then being on this earth anymore. She loved Jacob with everything, without him, there's no her, at least that's the way she's going to feel, if she doesn't feel that way already."

I stared at Jasper as if looking at and entirely different person all together. I knew Jasper the physiologist and I knew Jasper-my sisters boyfriend-but I've never know Jasper-the loving best friend. He really cares for this girl and I could see that he's right.

"Then when are you going to ask her to stay?"

"When she wakes up," He turned back to her father, who just stood watching us silently. "Charlie, I need to do this, I need to try, I need to save my sister." Jasper pleaded.

"Sister?!" I all but yelled. "When in the hell did she become your sister?" I asked confused. Jasper sighed annoyed.

"Since the day she was born, Edward. Isabella is my baby sister." He stated matter of factly.

"What?" Alice asked as she entered the room. "Jazz, what are you talking about? You never said she was your sister."

"I know darling. I just wanted to tell her first. I didn't want anyone to know before her, but Charlie already knew, of course."

"So he's not your dad?" Alice asked confused. She'd told me how Jasper never talked about his family. He never went as far as to tell her his parents' name, ever.

"Unfortunately no, but he's been more of a father to me then my own ever were. Isabella and I share a mother, Renee." I saw Charlie take a deep breath as Jasper's mother name slipped from his lips. "I found out that my mother-our mother- was in a relationship while she was with my father. My father found out too, so he left. Charlie was new to Forks and my mother was a friendly women, he had no idea she was married. When I was two or three years old my mother became pregnant with a little girl, Isabella she named her. When the girl was born Charlie turned up at the hospital to see the birth of his daughter, he met me there. She never even told him about me, he had no idea that I was Renee's until he sat next to me and I introduced myself. Three days after Isabella was born our mother went missing. Charlie tried to find her, he loved her, even after, but I knew he would never find her, Renee can hide really well if she wants to, and it was obvious that she didn't want us to find her, so we never did. Charlie took Isabella home with him, and he took me with him, too, but the courts wouldn't allow him to keep me. I had to live with my grandparents, but Charlie always visited me and brought me things, he even put me through college, while at the same time putting Isabella through. He worked hard for us and I'm proud to be able to call him my father of sorts. I look up this man and I will for the rest of my life, because I owe him everything."

Alice walked around Charlie to get to Jasper, taking him in her arms. Charlie walked over to him too, patting his back. I just stood there, shell shocked that he was actually Bella's brother. I would have never guessed. "How do you know Jacob?" I asked ingenuously. "I thought he was your childhood friend, not Bella."

"He was. I've known him almost all of my life. My grandparents didn't live far from Charlie and Bella. They lived closer to the local reservation though, so I had to go to school there, on the Rev. I met Jacob there and we went through every grade together. It wasn't until his sophomore year in college that he met and fell in love with some girl from Forks. He'd told me that she was beautiful, and smart, and that her father was chief of police. I instantly knew he was talking about my sister. I think he freaked out when I went crazy on him. I threatened to cut his manhood off if he hurt her in anyway. He was so confused as to why I would have that kind of reaction to some girl I had never met. When I said her name he wanted to know how I knew it, I told him the truth, about everything. Jacob was a good guy. He helped me get to know my sister without me having to have to tell her who I was."

"I don't understand, why haven't either of you told her the truth about you?"

"What am I supposed to say Edward, 'Hello, I'm Jasper Whitlock and we share the same mother who cheated on my father with your father and then left us both at the hospital two days after the day you were born,' I don't think so Edward. I'll tell her in my own time, but for now she needs Jasper, her best friend, not Jasper, her newly found brother."

I understood his reasoning, his…situation, but he's wrong. He should have told her this. They both should have, a long, long time ago. "What now then, what is Jasper her best friend going to do that Jasper her brother couldn't?"

"Jasper her best friend is going to be there for her until Jasper her brother can. Look Edward, I don't expect you to understand; your life is perfect, you've never had to go through your parents not wanting you, or never having your baby sister near, or of never getting the opportunity to beat guys who thought about going after her up. You don't know what I'm going through, so please, let me do this my way."

"Jazz," Alice called him, a slight disapproving shake of her head, a warning. "If anyone knows what you're going through babe, it's Edward." He glanced from her to me, his face confused.

"I was adopted into the Cullen family Jasper. I certainly know what it's like to not be wanted."

"What?" He asked bewildered. "Alice never told me-"

"It's not my story to tell, sorry." She whispered.

"I'll tell it, besides, there's a good outcome to this story. I hope you don't mind listening Charlie?" He shook his head, taking a seat on the nearest couch to him. I followed his lead and took a seat on the love seat while Jasper and Alice took a seat on the longest sofa nearest them. I inhaled deeply, gathering my thoughts, and remembering the last time I was with my birth parents, the horrific day I turned two.

"Some say, as a child you see things that dissolve from your memory as you grow, but I just can't keep myself from thinking that the person that came up with that theory didn't see the things I saw growing up. Everything that happened to me started when I was two years old. It was a few days after my second birthday that I saw my father walk out the front door of our middle class home and never return. I remember waiting as long as I could by that door for him to walk through it, seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, but he never came back through it.

"My mother, I suppose like any women who'd just lost their husband, cried, a lot. I always tried to comfort her, reassure her, but nothing ever seemed to work. She just cried, and cried and cried, sometimes she wouldn't leave her room for days, and I would go hungry for those days; this lasted months, practically an entire year. When I turned three she started eating again, just marginally though. I would get feed more regularly and she looked healthier, which in return made me smile more. I thought things were finally getting better for her, and me. I thought that until she brought a guy name Laurent home with her one night.

"I was only three, and at the time I didn't understand the things that I saw, the things he did to her. He would strip her and make her walk around the house naked, right in front of me, and she would do it. He would slap her and yell at her and rape her right in front of me and I would cry and scream and yell for him to stop, but he wouldn't, he never did. The sick part was, she liked it. I remember that she used to scream 'more' or 'faster' or 'again'. I used to be so scared all the time. And that Laurent guy, he was a monster. After he would finish with her, he would call up his friends and they would come and they would have a go at her. And she liked it." I screamed in exasperation and disgust. "I remember that he used to smoke, Laurent. After his friends would finish with her he would take his cigarette and put the end of it out on her bare back. The smell of burnt flesh would fill the air instantly and I would pass out, always waking the next day in the same spot.

"This continued until I turned five. That's when things got worse. I supposed she'd been taking drugs since she met him, but together they got worse and open with it. She would come home smelling like vodka and vomit every night. She appeared aloof; her eyes were red and glassy. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I was just a kid, I knew nothing about drugs, but when I saw her stick a needle in her arm, I knew that was wrong. I loved my mother, the women that I knew when I was one and two, not the women I knew when I was three up. That lady wasn't my mother, that monster destroyed her. I hope he disintegrate in the jail cell that he's in for what he's done."

"What happened, Edward?" Jasper asked curiously.

"I woke up one morning and headed downstairs to find something to eat. I was six or seven years old at the time. By then that was my morning routine; wake up, get dressed, brush my teeth and find something in the house for me to eat. Little did I know that that morning was going to be so different.

"I was in the kitchen when they came home. I'd just found myself a pop tart and I was silently eating when Laurent came in the kitchen and told me to join him and my mother in the living room. When I finished my meal I went, my mother looked confused as to why I was in there, but Laurent just smiled and motioned for me to step forwards, so I did, I was so stupid, naïve even. If only I'd known what he was thinking, I wouldn't have went in there. I would have hid in my room like I did every day.

"When I went into the living room Laurent held up a little bag with black rocks inside it, or so I thought that was what they were. He placed them on a spoon and held a lighter under the spoon; the rocks melted into a clear liquid. He took out a syringe and sucked the liquid into it. He squirted a little out of the syringe and then tapped it a few times before grabbing my arm. I yanked away from him, and my mother screamed at him, but he just punched her and she went silent. He told me he would kill her if I didn't test their new product. I said no, calling his bluff, but he wasn't bluffing. He took out a knife and sliced across her arm. She screamed out in pain and I knew that he really would kill her, so I held out my arm for him. He stabbed me roughly with the syringe, making me scream out in pain. I think it was about seven or eight seconds later that I started to feel weird. I was dizzy and numb and I couldn't breath. I found myself gasping for air and clawing at my chest. I thought I was going to die. Six years old and I thought I was going to die.

I passed out shortly after that and woke up hours later to beeping and unfamiliar voices. I was so scared and my mother was nowhere to bee found. I panicked and the machine went frantic. That's when a blond haired, blue eye man in a long white jacket came into my room. He introduced himself as Doctor Carlisle Cullen. He told me I needed to calm down, that it was important for me to calm myself. It took me a few minutes, but I managed it.

"I asked him where I was and where was my mother and Laurent, but he just looked and me sympathetically and sat in the chair next to my bed. He started to explain to me what had happened and that everything would be fine. It turns out that Laurent had given me too much of the drug and it nearly killed me on the spot. What he didn't tell me, though, was where my mother and Laurent were. In fact, he avoided answering that question all together.

"'Where is my mother?!' I screamed at him, taking him completely off guard. He finally caved and told me that my mother had been murdered. I didn't cry-couldn't seem to shed a tear; I still haven't 'til this day shed a tear for her. I don't know why and I know that it seems so heartless of me, but I just can't. Anyway, it turns out that Laurent panicked after she called the police to get help for me and slit her throat. She died instantly, right next to my body.

"Carlisle told me that Laurent had run. He ran like the coward he was and he hid well. They couldn't find him for years. It would be my junior year of high school when they caught hm. I was alone. I was six years old and I had no where to go and I had no one to be with; my mothers dead, my father never wanted me, and the man that killed my mother was on the run. I had no home.

"Like any other case, they called child services and I just didn't care. When someone would speak to me I would just stare at the wall ahead of me and blink, sometimes not even that. One evening, right before his shift ended, Carlisle made his normal stop into my room to visit me. He was the only person I stared in the eyes. Everyone else just got the non verbal treatment, so did he, but at least he got an eye stare.

"Anyway, he came into my room and started his usual talking, hoping I would respond. I didn't. While he was in there Child services came in and told me after I was discharged in two days I was going to go with her to my new home. She talked about a place where I would live with other children and have many people to play with. I still didn't care. Carlisle listened to her talk too. I watched his face as she talked. He seemed…apprehensive about what she talked about and it showed clear as day on his face. He asked to speak with her out of my ear shot and she went with him. I lay back down on my bed and was closing my eyes when after a few seconds Dr. Cullen came back in. He looked…hopeful. I was confused.

"He sat on my bed this time, not in his normal chair. He stared at me and a smile broke out on his face. I blinked at him, bewildered by his sudden mood change. 'Would you like to come home with me and my family, Edward?' he asked. I looked at him concern laced in my features. But his smile seemed to win me over in the end. I had concluded that no one with that smile could ever be harmful, so I went and here I am, twenty-one years later with a family that loves and care about me and I couldn't have been happier.

"Look Jasper, I know our stories differ, slightly, but we both had to deal with unfit parents, and we both know how it feels to never get to know a sibling. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're not that different and I understand what you went through; more then I can express in words. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

I stood from my seat, heading for Isabella's room, but Jasper stopped me, asking the one question I tried to avoid while telling this story. "Who was your sibling that you never got to know?" He asked curiously. I turned to see that all eyes were on me. I gulped, pushing back the uneasiness of this specific topic.

"My little sister…Jane. She was also killed by Laurent that night. My mother was six months pregnant with a baby girl. She had let me name her and I named her Jane." I turned away from them and walked into Isabellas room, a single tear falling down my cheek for the lost of my innocent little sister who I never got to meet, or know.

Isabella was still a sleep on the bed, her position slightly different then when I left her. She looked somewhat tranquil, peaceful, more serene then before; she looked absolutely beautiful. I walked over to her, kneeling beside the bed and brushing her hair from her eyes. That's the first time I head her whisper my name. "Edward." She called clearly. In fact it was so clear I thought she'd woken up and caught me touching her. I quickly pulled my hand away from her head and stood. She didn't move, but she did murmur again, she was talking in her sleep. Wow.

"Stay with me, Edward." She whimpered. "Please." I kneeled back in my spot beside her bed and took her hand. She relaxed instantly and I was pleased.

"I'm not going anywhere Isabella. I'm here."

I sat with her for hours, her father or brother poking their head in to check on her every now and again. They didn't question why I was still there, or why I was in the room with her, they just let me be which surprised me.

After her talking subsided I noiselessly left the room and went back out to the living room with the others. They all looked up, asking silently if she'd waken, I shook my head no.

"We're going to have to wake her soon." Jasper informed me. "We have to tell her about the plan." He stood from his seat and walked over to Alice and I, his attention more on Alice. "are you staying tonight, or are you going to the house?"

"I'll stay with you." She whispered. Jasper looks awful; he's going to need Alice.

"And you Edward, when are you heading out? I'm sure Tanya is worried."

"I'll leave after you tell her, if that's alright?"

"Of course-" he began before the cries from the next room made us all jump and run. Isabella....


	5. The In Laws

**Finding Love, Chapter 5: **

**  
** **Isabella Swan**

**"So raise your hands to Heaven and pray that we'll be back together someday.  
Tonight I need your sweet caress, hold me in the darkness.  
Tonight you calm my _restlessness,_ you relieve my sadness."**

**

* * *

  
**

I awoke to find, not only my father, but Jasper and his girlfriend and that strange bronze haired guy that stared in my dream. It was good to see him actually, because dreaming of him means I wasn't dreaming of Jacob, and that's a first for me, a pleasant first.

My father was sitting on my bed and Jasper was only a foot or so behind him. Everyone-to my dismay- was staring at me. "What's going on?" I asked weakly.

"You blacked out, a lot. Are you feeling okay?" I nodded my head, still taking in their facial expressions, ranging from uncertainty to apprehension.

"Dad, what's going on? Please just tell me." I stated sternly.

"Well Jasper and I have been talking-" he started nervously before I interrupted.

"Jasper and you have been talking…about me?" he nodded. "What about me?"

"Well, he seems to think, and I agree, that being home is no good for you right now. You can't take the emotional pressure that's sure to find you if you stay home. Jasper thinks that you, getting out of my house may be the best thing for you for a while. He's offered to let you live here, because supposedly it's your house anyways."

I nodded vacantly, agreeing that this is in fact my house. "I can't. Jasper, J-J-Jake and I rented this house out to you; this is your home now."

"My home that you own," He answered simply. "Bella, I won't be moving out, I'll be staying here with you. If that's okay with you, of course, but I think it's a fantastic idea, and Alice will be here off and on; your father will visit… you won't be alone, but you won't be there. Please, give this a try, please think about it. It might be exactly what you need."

What I need? What does he know about what I need? What I need is my husband back, what I need is to wake up and find that Jakes been watching me sleep. I need the smell of wildflowers and oil and woodsy aftershave. I need to know that the smile Jake used to wear still exist and I need to know why the heavens choose _my life_ to experiment with. What I need is this…

I sunk back into the soft plans of the bed and pulled the covers to my chest. It seemed that everyone was still waiting on my call. "I'll stay." I whispered. "For a while." There seemed to be a group exhale of relief and everyone quietly sunk out of the room. The dream guy lingered.

"You," I whispered before he could leave the room completely. "What's your name?" He turned on his heels to face me, his face confused.

"You don't remember my name?"

I shook my head no, and he stepped forwards. "I dreamt of you, but I can't remember your name from the dream. What is it?"

"Edward."

"Did you say something to me before I fell asleep?" I asked as I distinctively remember hearing his voice.

"Yes," he said honestly.

"That was the first time since he's been gone that I've dreamt of someone besides him. It was different, but strangely pleasant. I don't know what you said, but thank you."

I flopped over in the bed, facing away from him and closing my eyes. I was done with chatter for the day. I just wanted to be.

***

I awoke the next day to the smell of cinnamon, Jasper. Jasper is known for his famous, homemade cinnamon rolls. My mouth was watering just thinking about their warm, sugary, melting sweetness. I think it's the only thing that got me out of bed.

I heard the light sounds of cackling as I made my way through the hall and into the living room. It was the windiest laughter I've ever heard; light, breathless, and carefree. Who could possibly be that happy this early?

"Alice, she'll wake up when she wants to." I heard Jasper argue as I reached the opening to the kitchen.

"But her breakfast will get cold." Alice argued back.

"I'll put it in the warmer. Leave her be."

"No need, I'm up."

Both their bodies swung around, their eyes landing on me, inspecting me. Jasper took longer, giving me the once, twice and a third time over. "Wow Bells, you look like shit."

"I feel like it too." I looked around the kitchen, looking for the familiar emerald/jade eyes that stared in yet another dream of mine, Edward.

"Looking for something Bell?"

"Yeah, those amazing rolls I smell in the air." I lied.

"Aww, you're just in time. Grab a seat and I'll get you some coffee."

"Do you really think I need that, Jazz?" He walked away smiling but I thought I heard; 'you need something,' being whispered from his lips. If that was a lie I think I would have argued, but there was no lie in those words.

Alice brought me an amazing cinnamon roll and for the briefest second, I lost myself in something not pertaining to Jake. It was a small piece of nothing, but it wasn't him.

After my roll we made it into the living room; Jasper and Alice sitting together on the long sofa while I sat across from them on the loveseat.

"So Bells, do you want to do anything today?"

"Sleep,"

"Come on Bells, I need you to get out of the house. We can go to the park, or we can go to the zoo, or-"

"Jazz, all I want to do is sleep. I know that's indolent of me, but I'm just so tired, please." I begged.

"Fine, we'll-"

"No, I don't need you to babysit me. I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself. Please don't treat me otherwise."

I stood, not giving any of them a chance to speak and left the room, heading for what I used to know as Jakes game room and what is now known as Jasper's guest room.

They didn't follow me, which I was grateful for. I needed time alone, except I found myself minutes later sitting inside of Jasper's guest room, thinking of Edward. I wanted to go to sleep and it seems his presents helps a great deal. Just the memory of him isn't proving to be an effective way of falling asleep.

Eventually I did fall, and my peaceful nights were once again disturbed by memories of my Jake…

***

_"So you _**_want_**_ to go visit my mother now?"_

_"Well yes, she's going to be my mother soon and I think it's only right that I meet her, don't you?"_

_"Yes, of course, but last week when I brought it up you freaked and locked yourself in the bathroom, and for the record; I really had to go." I laughed, smacking his chest._

_"Jacob, this is serious. What if she doesn't like me?" _

_"So what if she doesn't like you? I think I love you enough to make up for her. But that won't stop me, Bella. I love you with all I have and I will not let you go for anything in the world. You, Bella Swan, will be my wife, soon; with or without my parents okay. I love you." He pulled me to him gently and kissed me sweetly. I was in heaven._

_"Why are you so good to me Jacob?" he laughed quietly, squeezing me for one long second then letting me go._

_"I don't think I'm good, I'mmm great." Exclaimed like Tony the Tiger. I slapped his chest, making him smile that beautiful blinding white smile. "Bell, you are so absurd. You're good to me, which make this," he grabbed my hand, holding on to it tightly. "Easy. It's easy to love you Bella, just as it's easy to be good to you. Now, when do you want to meet mother dearest?"_

_"I have a free spot on my schedule Thursday. Mr. Banner canceled our lecture in English class. We can head down to the reservation then and spend the weekend there, maybe even check on Charlie?" I asked hopefully. I really miss my father._

_"Sounds great, but can we sleep at a hotel this time; I can't take that couch again and I really hate sleeping in a different room and bed as you?"_

_"Sure, that's fine. God, I can't wait."_

_The week went by slowly and slowly my fears begin to creep into the mix again. Jacob reassured me and reassured me, then he did it again, but nothing was working. I'd managed to get myself worked up and it was literally scaring even me, so for Jacob to just be there for me as I over reacted was just amazing and it showed me how much his words meant something. They weren't just 'get me laid instantly' words._

_Thursday evening came and we found ourselves nearing Port Angeles sooner then I would have liked to think about. Jacob held my hand the entire drive and kept me from leaping out of the car. He doesn't understand why this is so big to me. He doesn't understand that this women can actually come between us, because mothers are nuts about their sons finding the 'right' girl._

_She could instantly hate me and demand he break off the engagement. I know Jacob said no matter what we'll be together, but I would hate to be the cause of breaking his family to pieces. I wouldn't be able to live with myself._

_Jacob pulled up to the curve of one of Port Angeles best hotels, The Red Lion. I turned from the window to face Jacob, who looked amused by my expression._

_"This is too much, Jake. We could have stayed at the Inn or something, but this-it's just too much."_

_"Bella Marie Swan," He said reprimanding. "You are my fiancé, soon to be my _**_wife_**_. I will not have you sleeping in anything less then what you deserve, do you understand me? This," He gestured towards the extravagant hotel before us. "is just the tip of the iceberg. Just think about what we'll be staying in for our honeymoon." _

_He leaned over the console and placed his lips lightly to mine. The kiss was innocent, soft, and it made me lightheaded, but then it changed; by who I'm not sure, but I sure as hell am not complaining._

_Jacob's hand trailed up my back, finding purchase in my hair, pulling me towards him more. I was nearly over the emergence break when there was a light tap on the window, making me jump and yelp in surprise, which completely turned into embarrassment when I turned and saw the poor valet kid at my window._

_"Lets head in to find our bed- I mean room." He corrected quickly, my urges not caring about the slip since I also wanted to find a bed._

_"I prefer the first, if you don't mind." I purred seductively._

_"Kid!" Jacob called to the boy outside of my door. _

_The nervous looking teenage boy opened my door while Jacob ran around the car to grab my hand before the boy could. He yanked me out of the car, pulling me through the automatic doors and into the Red Lion._

_I felt so out of place in the extravagant foyer. Beautiful light fixtures, blooming flowers throughout the room, it was truly a site._

_Jacob pulled me to the receptionist desk, the blonde behind the counter eyeing Jacob like a piece of candy that escaped a piñata. She looked oddly familiar, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Then, she spoke. "Good evening, my name is Jessica Stanley can I help you?" Even if she wouldn't have said her name, I would have recognized that nasal, high-pitch from anywhere._

_"Good evening, my name is Jacob Black, this is my fiancé Bella, and we have a reservation under the name Black."_

_"Bella, Isabella Swan from Forks High?" I visibly cringed as my name left her lips, Jacob grabbing me by my waist and pulled me into his side._

_"Yes," Jacob answered for me. "Do you know her?"_

_"Of course. Bella, it's me, Jessica Stanley from high school. We used to be the best of friends." She lied, smiling at Jacob. "What have you been up to?"_

_"Oh, of course Jessica, how could I forget?" I asked in a sickly sweet tone. "Jacob, don't you remember her? Come on, you have to remember her. She was the girl that-at the party we met at, you remember, my party- after we came inside tried to grind on you, and when you asked her to stop she tried to slap you?"_

_Jacob looked at me stunned then slowly turned to face Jessica. This was funny, because a few nights after the incident Jacob admitted to me that he had nightmares about Jessica's advances, always waking him up in a cold sweat._

_"This is nightmare Jessica?" He asked, whispering in my ear. I bit my lip, holding in the laughter that threatened to burst out._

_"I'm sorry; I don't recall doing such a thing." Jessica said simply._

_"Oh, I do. In fact, Ben, Angela and I have it on tape, just in case you want to see it."_

_"No," she blurted. "that's fine. Here's your key to your room have a nice stay." She sneered._

_"Thank you, oh, and we will." I assured her, letting the sexual innuendo linger in the air._

_"You're a bad girl Bella Swan." Jacob whispered as we walked away from the desk._

_"And you love it Black."_

_We slept the day away in each others arms, occasionally waking to finish our hungry movements from hours before. It was a peaceful day and night in Jacob's arms. He made me feel safe and loved in the smallest gestures._

_Around noon the next day Jacob and I wandered outside of the four beautiful walls of our hotel room, heading to the rabbit. We decided to catch breakfast at the diner in Forks when we reached it. Our plan was to head to breakfast, then to La Push, then back to Forks to visit my dad. And I was excited for the later. I haven't seen Charlie or the guys from the force in a while and I've missed them._

_Arriving at the diner had been surreal. Everything was just the same as it was when I left, even the wait staff. "Bella Swan!" Came the familiar voice of the same waitress that has waited on me and my father since I was a little girl._

_"Peggy Cross, I thought you'd moved? Charlie said he hadn't seen you the last time I talked to him."_

_"Well I did, but come on, there's no place like home. Wow, you look just as beautiful as you did the last time I'd seen you kid." She complimented as she pulled me in for a much wanted hug. "And who's the hunk?" she said gesturing towards my Jake. Jake had stepped away from us, finding a booth, to give us a little privacy. When I turned towards him he smiled from behind his phone._

_"That, Peggy, is my fiancé Jacob Black."_

_"Fiancé?! Well hell kiddo. You're growing us too damn fast."_

_"Tell us about it." Came two more familiar voices from behind me. I spun around only to be face to chest with my father and a blond goof._

_"Dad!" I greeted jumping into my fathers arms. "Jasper!" I hopped from my father to Jasper and hugged him tightly. "What are you guys doing here? Jake?" I called swinging around only to find him next to me. He had the biggest smile on his face and I knew that this was what he'd been setting up on his phone for the past few days. "Thank you. I love you so much." I leaned in, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips and hugging him tightly until there were several exaggerated throat clears behind us._

_"How about you two cut the PDA before I arrest you?" My dad joked, I think. I blushed and pulled Jake back to the table that he'd sat at while I talked to Peggy._

_Once everyone was settled around the table and Peggy had our orders, we sat and talked about what we were up to these days. Jasper was down visiting his grandparents before he went back up to school. He was planning on leaving the same day we were leaving, so we decided that he should hook up with us some time this week, because when all three of us get back to school it'll be a hardship trying to see each other. And we also decided to just drive back to school together._

_My father told us about a few cases that he was currently working on, but he couldn't go too in to detail about it because they were open cases. He also said he was thinking about adopting a dog, but I warned him that I wouldn't be home to take care of it; it would be his job completely. He told me if he does decide to get one and it doesn't work out he'll ship the damn thing to me. I laughed, but he was serious._

_After our steak and potatoes Jake and I made our way out of the diner and to the rabbit, after promising to be at my dads tomorrow for dinner. We were in the car seconds later, making our way down to La Push Reservation._

_Everything about La Push calmed me. It's where I used to come with Ang. and Ben to think and to hang out, it's where Jake is from, it's where we had our first date. It's where we both knew that our relationship was going to last forever. It's where we-one day- hope to retire._

_Jake pulled in front of a one story, red wood, home with a rusty shad on side. In front of the wooden house was a busted, old red truck parked in the driveway. I smiled at the peaceful simplicity of the love of my life's childhood. It made me love him ten times more in that moment._

_"Does this mean you like it?" Jake asked timidly._

_I looked back and smiled genuinely at his beautiful face. "This means I love it. This is where you are from, Jake. Jake, don't you even dare feel embarrassed by where you come from. This," I said gesturing towards the house. "is where the man I love with all my heart came from. Don't dishonor him, Jake Black. I love, and will always love you, no matter what you grew up in."_

_He smiled brightly, wrapping me in his arms and kissing me passionately. "You are so amazing, Swan. Let's go, I can't wait for my family to meet you."_

_He jumped out of the car and I followed behind him excitedly. I was a little nervous, but who wouldn't be nervous meeting their feature in-laws?_

_Jake grabbed my hand as he reached my side of the car, rubbing soothing circles in my palm as we walked. Before we even reached the door, a tall russet boy, about my height, with long, darkish hair came flying out of the door, straight for Jake. I released Jakes hand and stepped to the side as the boy hugged Jake jaggedly._

_"My god Jake, what do you do out there, eat all day? Cut back on the cow and grab a salad, man."_

_Jake laughed before releasing the boy and pulling me close. "We'll my girl doesn't have any complaints." Jake mused as he kissed my beat red cheek. The boy looked at me and my ever burning cheekbones and laughed. I smacked Jake on the back of his head and buried my face in his chest._

_"Look what you did Jake, you embarrassed the girl. Hi," The boy said softly, while holding his hand out to me. "I'm Seth, Jakes little bro. You must be Bella."_

_"The one and only." Jake assured him. I shook my head at Jake and held my hand out to Seth._

_"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you Seth. I've heard great things."_

_"Same here, why don't we go into the house and get dinner; moms been waiting on you guys to arrive, and Emily's getting annoyed. Dads on his way home from the station now. Come on."_

_Jake held me back, letting Seth disappear into the house ahead of us before he turned to me worriedly. "Are you alright?"_

_"Fine, a bit nervous." I admitted honestly._

_"You are going to do fine. My dad already knows and loves you, and Seth obviously likes you. Emily might need to get used to you, but mom will love you, alright?" I nodded determinedly and walked behind him as he pulled me towards the front door where, like Seth, we disappeared into._

_My first reaction when I walked into the wooden house was 'awe,' but now, after a few moments of looking around the living room, I have to say 'wow'. It's exactly what I pictured a young Jake running around. It's homey, and warm and tranquil. I could just imagine a young Jake running around destroying everything in site._

_"Jake!" a dulcet voice yelled from down the hall. Seconds later a small build woman was hugging Jake closely to her frame. "Oh god, son, you look great. It's so good to have you home."_

_"It's good to be home mom. Mom," He said as he pulled away from her and reached back to grab my hand. I reached out, putting my hand in his and relaxing instantly. "I want you to meet my fiancé, Bella. Baby, this is Sue, my mother for all intents and purposes. Mom, this is Bella… my life."_

_I looked over at Jake and smiled adoringly at him. 'I love you.' I mouthed. He'd never said something so beautiful to someone about me like that. "Well Bella, it's nice to meet the girl that stole my sons' heart. I guess I should call you my daughter too?" I held my hand out to her, but Sue politely ignored it and went in for a hug. And who was I to resist?_

_"It's nice to have met you Sue."_

_"No, it's my pleasure. I've never seen my son taken with a woman like he's taken with you. Plus my husband, as well as Seth now; you have some kind of voodoo on the Black men. Us Black women can use another strong woman on our side. Welcome to the family Bella."_

_"Thank you." I replied wholeheartedly. _

_"Mom, where's Emily?" _

_"She's refusing to come out of her room until your father gets home. I think her and Sam had another one of those 'epic' fights."_

_Jake rolled his eyes and walked me to the couch. He was quickly stopped by Sues' voice. "No," she shouted. Jake stopped in mid bend and turned to look at her. "go straight to the kitchen. Your father should be here in two minutes and then we can eat diner. Seth's already at the table, go." With a fake salute Jake pulled me into the kitchen._

_"So Jake?" Seth called as Jake helped me into my seat. "You going to come with me to the beach tonight for the bonfire? Everyone's going to be there, and they all want to see you."_

_Jake looked over to me, his eyes sparkling with hope. I smiled and nodded my head in consent. He beamed back and pulled me close, kissing my temple._

_"Not at the diner table son." came a smooth bass that I knew immediately as Billy's tenor. Jake jumped up, walking over to his father and grabbing him in a tight, loving man hug. I've never seen him be the kid before, it was nice._

_"God dad, I've missed you."_

_"Missed you too son, but come on. You telling me you had time to even think about me with your hands full with this one?" asked amusedly as he gestured towards me._

_"Yeah, yeah old man, just get over here and give me my hug." He released Jake and walked around the table to give me a tight, fatherly hug. It's going to nice being apart of a big family. "How you been Billy?"_

_"Good, really good actually. How bout you, my son treating you like you deserve to be treated?"_

_"Better, he's treating me better."_

_"Alright then; you better keep it up son, because if you let this one slip I might have to kill you myself. So, where's your sister?"_

_"Emily, dad's home!" Seth yelled. Sue walked behind him, clobbering him over the head._

_"We're not in a cave Seth. You act like you were raised by a pack of wild wolves. We have guest tonight."_

_"Oh come one mom. She's no longer a guest; she's practically a Black already. She has to get used to this, I mean, how will she ever survive Christmas if she doesn't?" he asked in a mock horrified voice. I giggled silently, he winked at me._

_Sue just shook her head and walked over to her seat, where Billy was there holding her chair out for her. "Thank you my love. You might want to go talk to your daughter, dear. She and Sam are at it again."_

_"Do I have to?" Billy asked in a nasal, high-pitched, annoying whine that had everyone at the table in hysterics, even Sue, who tried in vain to contain it._

_"Billy Ephraim-" she started_

_"My whole name Susana?" Billy retorted. "I guess I better go then, before you pull out the bigger cards." He said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Sue rolled her eyes, then snickered like a pre-teen in heat._

_"That's really gross mom." Seth stated. "If you would have done any more you could have risked ruining my dinner." Jake covered his face, embarrassed, but enjoying himself none-the-less._

_Ten minutes late Billy emerged with a beautiful russet girl behind his back. She looked to be in her early teens, and she was absolutely stunning. "Bella," Jake called, interrupting my observation on the little girl that just had to be his little sister Emily. "This is baby girl. Baby girl this is my Bella." I blushed and reached my hand over the table to embrace hers. She took my hand timidly._

_"It's nice to meet you Emily, your brother talks about you often. It's been great meeting all of you, I can't wait to be apart of this amazing family."_

_"You're already apart of this family babe." I smiled up at him, my eyes watering from the love and acceptance that's radiating off of these people, my family. "I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

****

I awoke the next day to a faint noise outside of my door. I knew that it was two people or more, all whispering, but all sounding upset. I stood from my bed, walking over to the door and pulling it open to find Jasper, his girlfriend Alice, and her brother Edward.

"Bella." They all said in harmony, all their faces shocked and worried.

"Yes, me. I assume your argument was about me as well." I looked at all of them for answers, and the silence that was given to me answered more my question more then enough. "I don't want you guys to fight over me, Jazz. I'm fine I swear it. I know he's gone Jazz, I know he's not coming back and I have to be an adult and accept that. I should be happy for the time I did get to spend with him. I was lucky to have that, so I'm fine. You can all call off the doctors and the mind probers and let me be. But you," I looked to my right, my eyes locking with Edwards once jade, now more of an ember, emerald green, eyes. "I would like you to stay with me for a while; if you don't mind of course."

"I don't mind." I nodded gratefully and turned back to Jasper.

"Do you mind if he stays with me for a while?"

He shook his head no, stating that it was fine with him as long as it was fine with me. I smiled weakly, waved at Alice and then silently turned back into my room with Edward on my heels. I hope he really does have some kind of magical voodoo powers to keep the nightmares away….

* * *

**A/N: i know right, it took forever. I hope you guys liked it!**


	6. Break Through

**Finding Love: Chapter 6**

**Edward Cullen**

** "Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary.  
It happens all the time."  
~Susan Cheever~**

* * *

I didn't plan on coming over today. I planed on sitting at home with Tanya and watching a few movies, maybe even going into the office for a while, but I just couldn't get her out of my head.

It's all very sad of me really, I mean I don't know this girl from Eve and she's already consuming me so completely. In sleep or during the day, she is all I think about. Her eyes, those brown doe's that no longer hold life, or a fire, or a will to do anything, haunt me day in and day out.

And for me to let this continue, to let her continue to hold this…_power_ over me is selfish of me. I mean goddamn it; I'm going to be a father soon, and a husband even sooner. I can't let this go on. Or so that's what I told myself, but here I am, sitting in the small wooden oak chair besides her bed, watching the sun play a beautiful game of hide-in-seek with it's ray of colors on her face.

She looked at me, her eyes focused only on me, and I willed myself not to break the connection. This was all she asked of me when I stepped in the room behind her; 'watch me until I fall asleep.' I agreed immediately. But she hasn't fallen asleep yet.

"You keep them away." She whispered, with a small smile plastered on her beautiful face.

"Keep what away?" I asked curiously.

"The dreams." She sighed, blanking her eyes for the first time in three minutes. "I don't know you Edward, and you don't know me, but believe it or not, you're helping me. The night you whispered into my ear was the first night I dreamt of something that had nothing to do with him. That dream only held you in it and you alone. It was pleasant, and I didn't wake in a cold sweat. Last night was different, you weren't here and I dreamt of him, the first time he took me to meet him mother and his siblings, it was a nice dream, but it was painful to see him. Fortunately there was no cold sweat, or tears, just the memory."

"That's good isn't it?"

"No, I don't want the memories." She went silent again, staring. She's a beautiful woman, from her eyes to her heart-shaped face; she's striking, more so then Ta- "Do you promise people things Edward?" she asked abruptly.

"Yes."

"Do you always keep the promises you make?"

"I try with all my might to, and ninety-nine percent of the time I do. Why do you ask?"

"Because I was promised the world and I didn't get it. I think I always knew that I wouldn't get it, I think I figured that out the day I was born and my mother walked out on me, but for some reason I allowed myself to believe I would when _he_ promised it to me. I was such an idiot."

"No, you weren't. Everyone is allowed to have that kind of hope. We're allowed to believe that we can have the world. You're mother, _she's_ the idiot. I've only known you for three days or so and I wouldn't dream of letting you go. And him, maybe he didn't keep this promise, but I'm positive he tried his best to. Sometimes things are just too far out of our reach. Sometimes we just can't control the situation, _he couldn't,_ don't tarnish his memory with something that was out of his control, Bella. From what I heard, he loved you until…until the end."

I looked out of the window, my words sinking in. I'd just told her far more then was necessary. She doesn't need me in her head like that. I'm happy I could help keep her nightmares at bay, but I can't get more involved with her then I already am. I can't hurt Tanya like that, or my kid, I won't.

"Bella, I think I should-" I started before something very, very unexpected happened. She reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Don't leave; I want to tell you my story, Edward. The part that no one knows, not even my father knows it all."

I sat stiffly on the wooden chair, fitting my instincts to move into the bed behind her and hold her closely while she lives through the painful memories of her past. I nodded my head for to continue, and so she began.

"I've committed to memory that night, and it's so clearly, Edward." She closed her eyes, tears leaving the cresses of her eyes. I reached out to touch her, but thought better of it and secured my hands to my side. She had to get this out.

Without opening her eyes, she continued. "It was so cold that night. I remember because the windows were sealed from the snow. I'd stayed home all day cleaning and preparing dinner. It was a simple meal, but being me, I let the prep for it drag out all day. I'd cooked one of his favorites, beef stew and I had it waiting for him by the time he normally got home.

"I was tired and my back was killing me, but I'd still managed to take a bath and dress nicely and be at dinner on time. When seven o'clock came and he wasn't home I didn't worry right away. Sometimes the lab keeps him a few minutes past his time, but he usually calls me if he's going to be late. When he didn't I was angry, and upset that he made me worry so much. I'd made a decision that if he didn't show up in the next few hours I was going to call the lab, then the police.

"Two hours passed and when I finally picked up the phone, he came through the door, sleeves up, jacket thrown over his shoulders and a big cheese, shit eating grin on his face. When I asked him where he'd been all night, he told me he was at the bar with a few of his colleagues. When I told him I was worried and that he should have thought to call me and let me know he would be late, he just told me I was overreacting and that I needed to calm down, because the yelling wasn't good for the baby.

"Yes, I was five months pregnant when this happened, Edward. Not even a month ago there was a life inside of me, and I lost it. Anyway, I told him the baby isn't the one he needs to be worried about. I yelled at him, blowing the entire situation out of proportion now that I think about it, and told him that he was letting those people and that stupid job of his come between his family. I'd told him that he'd have to fix that when the baby comes, because I wouldn't allow it.

"He'd sat there and took it all. And it had made me _so_ angry that he could sit there and be so calm when I felt like my entire world was falling apart. So since I was so furious, I wanted to make him feel the same way, so I dug deep and talked so horribly to him, but he refused to react, so I lost it and said the one thing that I knew would make him react. I played on his worse fears. I told him that if he didn't change, or step back from his _job_ that I would take our child and I would leave him. When those words escaped my mouth he finally lost it.

"I'd never seen him so angry, and it scared the sanity back into me. I froze as he yelled. He was so red beneath his russet skin. He was also so beautiful in that moment…my god, I wanted to jump him, but before I could take what I said back, or do anything to him, he picked up his jacket, grabbed the first pair of keys he could put his hands on, from the desk by the door and left. I was shocked, but there was nothing I could do. Jakes worse fear was losing me, and our family. I knew that and I used it against him. What kind of wife does that?

"He'd left the house that night around ten. I'd gone upstairs to our bedroom and laid on my side of the bed and waited for him to return. I must have dozed off, because it was around two in the morning when I'd woken up and Jakes side of the bed was still empty. I was really worried. He hadn't called or anything and I started to freak.

"It was almost a half hour later that I though maybe he might have come home and stayed on the couch. So I put my robe on and began my descent down the stairs. I was half way down when I trip over my own foot. I threw my hands around my stomach, as a stupid attempt to protect my baby, but I couldn't even do that right. I wind up throwing myself against the wall, hitting my stomach and my head several times as I rolled down the stairs.

"I passed out for about five minutes before I regained consciousness. The only thing I could think of was getting help for my baby. I dragged myself through the living room and to the phone. I wasn't thinking. I should have called the ambulance first. I should have called the police, but the only person I wanted was Jacob, so he's who I called.

"I wasn't surprised when he picked up on the first ring. One of us always calls to apologize sooner or later, but it's usually him. So when I called he was shocked. He said; 'Baby? Baby I'm so sorry. You were right, I need to put my priorities in focus, and if that means cutting back work hours, so be it. I can't lose you Bell, I can't lose our baby.'

"I couldn't speak at first, it felt like my lungs were burning, but I didn't care I had to say something. So I said; 'It hurts…Jake?' It came out as a soft, pain filled whimper. And when he heard it, something must have clicked, because all he said was; 'Bell, Bella, listen to me. I love you and I'm on my way baby. You're going to be fine, hold on honey.' I whispered that I loved him too, but I don't think he heard me.

"I passed out once more, not waking up again until I was in the hospital. I was so discombobulated, and everything was bright and there were so many beeping noises. I knew instantly I was in a hospital. No place on earth was that clean other then a hospital. When I got my bearings back I remembered what happened to me and my hands flew to my stomach right away. But I knew, I knew before my hand landed there that my baby was gone. I knew because I felt so empty.

"I looked to my left and I saw my father. He was asleep, his arms crossed at his chest. 'Daddy?' I cried out to him. His eyes snapped open almost immediately, and his hands flew to mine, bringing them to my sides. 'Kiddo,' he whispered. 'You scared me for a while there.' He bent down and kissed my forehead lightly. Something he's always done since I was a little girl. 'Daddy, what's happening? Where's my baby? Where's Jacob?'

"My father was…not himself. When I looked at him I saw sympathy and I didn't like it. I asked him once more where my husband was and what they did to my baby, but he…he looked down and told me that I'd lost my child during the fall. _Lost it_, the phrase sounded so dirty that it made me sick. Like I'd left it in the park or something on accident; and then, he told me about Jacob.

"At first I thought he was joking. That he was playing the biggest cosmic prank on me, but two minutes later when the doctor walked in my room, blood all over his uniform, and pronounced my husband dead… I died that day. I died that day along with my husband and my child; my son.

"I'd known for weeks that we were having a boy. At my last doctors appointment, they asked if I wanted to know what I was having, but Jacob had decided that we shouldn't find out, that we should let it be a surprise. I agreed, but it was killing me. So after the doctors' appointment I 'accidently' left my purse in the examining room. I went back to get it and luckily the doctor was still there. I'd asked him what I was having. Shaking his head, he told me I was having a healthy little boy. I was so excited for weeks after that. Nothing could bring my sprit down, until that night. That stupid night that was all my fault."

"Bella," I finally spoke, not wanting to even hear her blame herself.

"What, you want to lie to my face and say it wasn't my fault Edward?" She snapped, her eyes opening and burning with so much anger. "I won't let you. Did you listen to what I said? _I_ practically pushed him out of that door. _I_ made him so upset that he didn't look at the keys that he'd grabbed; that he didn't realize he'd grabbed the bike instead of a car. _I_ pushed his buttons that night. _I_ made his fears come true, just like I'd threatened to do. _I'm_ at fault. _I_ killed my husband. _I_ killed my son."

"No!" I stated firmly. "You were hurt, he was hurt."

"That doesn't matter." She argued, but I continued, not letting her execute herself.

"You had an argument; you went too far, he went too far."

"No, it was my fault." She continued to argue. But I refused to yield.

"You said things you didn't mean, he said things he didn't mean."

"Shut up!" she demanded.

"You did _not_ kill him."

"Yes I did." She whispered weakly through gritted teeth.

"The man that killed your husband was intoxicated, and stupid. He drove, knowing that he was putting others at risk; knowing that he was too intoxicated to think straight. _He_ killed your husband, _not you._"

"But if I would have stayed in the room that night. If I wouldn't have went down those stairs. If I would have just accepted his guys night out. If-"

"You'll always have an _if_ Bella, everyone who goes through this does. But you can't wonder 'what if', because even if you find something you could have done differently, you still can't go back and change it. What's happened, has happened and there is nothing, absolutely _nothing_ that you can do to change the past. Jake, died that night, because of a drunk driver. Jake, a man who was trying to get home to his injured wife, was taken away from this world by an idiot who was so selfish, that he didn't think before getting behind the wheel of his car.

"Now, I know you lost everything Bella, and I know that it's too early for you to start thinking about forgetting, or moving on, but I think you need to start working on forgiving yourself, and forgiving Jacob, who tried desperately to keep his promise to you. When you do those things, when you forgive _you_, then, and _only_ then can you truly start to mend."

There was no more speaking. Bella fell asleep, peacefully on her bed facing me. I ran the finger tips of my right hand down her cheek. Her skin glowed under my touch, her skin turning a light rose red. God, she is so beautiful, and so broken. More so then even me, or her brother.

Jasper and I, we were fixable, but her -Bella- she's no where near being fixed. She's not even near forgiving herself; which is, if you ask me, going to be the hardest part to overcome for her. She takes too much of the blame on her self; too much of the guilt and pain. It wasn't her fault.

Okay, so they had a fight. I'm sure it wasn't their first fight, and I'm sure if things would have went better, if he were here with her today, it wouldn't have been their last. Because that's what happens in marriages, couples fight. They get things out there so they can deal with it and move on. If they wouldn't have had a fight, at all, I don't think I would have or ever would consider them a real couple.

And so she pushed his buttons. What wife doesn't? That's how most women keep their partner on his or her toes. I could understand where she was coming from to a certain extent. She was a very pregnant, very emotional woman and she wanted someone, anyone to feel her physical and emotional pain. She was being drained slowly, probably keeping her mouth closed when he did something that really infuriated her, or over looking things about him that irritated her during her pregnancy until that moment. Until it all just build up and in that one moment she wanted someone else to feel it, and he –Jacob- was that someone else.

So yeah, she came down hard on him, realizing her fears and his in the same moment, but guess what, he shouldn't have walked out on her. He should have been there; kept his calm like he was doing the entire time. Let her vent it out until he could put his arms around her and tell her she only had a few more months then she would be fine. But he didn't, he ran.

And no, I won't blame him for his decision to run. If my very hormonal wife unloaded that on me, threatened me with that kind of lose, I would have wanted to get out of there too, but unlike him, I would have probably just sat in the car and waited until she feel asleep and walked back into the house.

There was so much both of them could have done differently, but he isn't her to change that and she can't be here, walk and live this life, with that kind of grief. I won't allow it, and I hope that the others would agree with me and help me try to get her to forgive herself. She has-no, she needs to do that fist.

After ten minutes of watching her silently sleep, I stood and headed for the door, my eyes lingering on her frame longer then need be. Once n the hall I came face to face with my sister. "Is she alright?" I nodded my head, signaling with a nod that we should finish this in the living room. She walked ahead of me and I followed. "Jasper's in the bedroom. I heard her yelling and you yelling right back at her. What was that about?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"She…god Al, she blames herself for his death. She told me the whole story, every detail of that night and I get why she would blame herself, but it wasn't her fault and when I tried to fight her on the topic she fought right back."

"Isn't that a good sign? If she fights back then she's still trying, right?"

"No, not her, she's not trying Alice. She doesn't want to be here; in this house, on this earth. I've seen plenty on cases like her, but never one this deep. Besides, I'm a Doctor, a surgeon. I don't get involved in cases like hers, like this, but I want to work with her. I know I can help her. And the fact that she wants me around her helps a lot. As long as she wants me around, I can help her."

"What did she tell you?"

"I can't tell you. It's so…just let her do it. She'll be ready one day to share, but until then I can't. But there is one thing I wanted to tell you, or asked rather." She nodded for me to continue. "Did you know, or did Jasper know she and Jacob were expecting?"

"Yes, they told Jasper and their parents, and a few close friends. Jasper told me. She lost the baby the same night she lost Jacob. Why?"

"Oh, um, nothing, I was just curious. Do you have any plans for today?" I asked quickly, changing the subject.

"No, Jasper wants to be close to Bella, and I want to be close to him. You?"

"No, Tanya wants to eat out, but dads insisting she stay in bed. I was going to head back in a few, but I want to stay with Bella for a while, observe her while she sleeps. She confided in me that she has nightmares and that my presence chases them away."

"Yeah, Jasper and I hear her screaming sometimes. It frightens him. I just think she needs to exercise her demons and sleep is the only time her mind knows when to do it."

"She's so frail. And despite everything, her fears, her weaknesses, I feel she's the strongest out of all of us. God Al, if you just talk to her you'd see it. I know I can't be the only one. The way she loves him, even in his death… It's something to envy. No one, not even me, feels the way she feels about him, about anyone else. He was lucky. So, so lucky."

"Your dream, about the little girl; Carlie, was Bella her mother?" my face froze, probably draining of color. How would she know that?

"I-"

"Edward," she interrupted before a lie could form. "I saw the way you looked at her when she first came. How you caught her in your arms. How mad you were at Tanya when she hurt her. How you clung to her just as much as she clung to you. And she looks at you too. Like you're saving her life over and over and over again. Jasper was kind of sad when she asked for you and not him. She even screams your name out during the night. There's something about you two together that's just so _right_ Edward. You probably can't see it, but I can. I wish you would have found her before Tanya. I'm sorry, because I know that you hate when I talk about her, but Edward… god, Edward she's not for you. And that kid that she's carrying; I don't think it's-"

"Stop!" I demanded. "That's enough Alice. Tanya is my fiancé, she's who I choose. She's who I want. Yeah, she's not perfect, no one is. But she is mine, and the child she is carrying is one hundred percent mine and if you can't except that they that's your problem, but this is the last time, _the last time_ I will let you speak about her like that, or doubt that my child is in fact mine. You may not like her, but I love her, so there. I'm going to go spend a little more time with Bella, then I'm gong to head out."

"You never answered me, Edward." Alice spoke as I turned away from her. "Was Bella Carlies' mother?"

"Yes, she belonged to Bella. I don't see how that will help you by knowing, Alice."

"Was she really beautiful?" She asked, ignoring my statement.

"The most beautiful person I've ever dreamt of next to her mother."

I stepped into Bella's room, the lights still off, her covers still covering her body. Her nightmares haven't started, and for that I was grateful. I don't think I would be able to just stand next to her while she hurt in her dreams.

I stayed there all night, watching her drift in and out on consciousness. Some times she would say things, others she would just stare at me. I never talked, I just watched. When she looked the least bit troubled I would rub my finger tips down her cheek and she would settle almost immediately.

It was around two in the morning when I found myself trying o leave her room. She awoke just as my hand touched the door. "Edward?" she called, sitting up on her bed.

"Yeah,"

"Thank you, for listening to me. Thank you for not asking me to move on, and thank you for staying. You're a good guy, and I wish you happiness with your fiancé."

"Thank you Bella. Look," I said as I walked back towards her bed, taking a seat on the edge. "do you ever get stuffy being in this room all the time?"

"Sometimes, but I'm not ready to face the outside world yet."

"I want to take you somewhere, a place that's really special to me. There are no people for miles, and you won't have to face anything. We could just sit and have a picnic and you can tell me more about Jacob and your life together. Are you interested?"

She stared at me for a long immeasurable amount of time and I wondered if my invitation was too soon for her. Maybe she's just not ready to go out there period. But I can't help but think of the way she got here. And the way she got to the funeral. Surly she made herself go. Surly she wasn't forced.

"Okay, goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight Bella." I crawled up the bed, placing my lips to her cheek, and kissing her sweetly. I only looked back once when I reached the door, then I was gone. "Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl." I whispered into the night. Sweet dreams.


	7. The Crazy Rabbit Lady

**Finding Love: Chapter 7**

******Bella Swan****"Since every death diminishes us a little, we grieve - not so much for the death as for ourselves"**

I sat and stared out of the opened bay window; the scenery peaceful, the animals cheery. It was unreal, it had to be. How could the world outside of this room look so bright when my world inside of this room was filled with darkness and deception?

You may be asking what deception goes on inside of these four walls, but everything in here is apart of a lie that I am tired of living.

The first lie, the one that pisses me off to no end; everything will be alright. Bullshit. Nothing will ever be alright again, not for me.

The second lie; you'll move one. To what? I asked myself. Move on to what? My life is as good as lived and done with. How do you just move on from something that was so true and just? You don't.

The third lie; everything happens for a reason. What's the goddamn reason? What's the reason behind taking a good, loving man from his family, from this world? What's the fucking reason?

And the last lie, the lie that would split at the seams; I know that Jas-

"Bella?" came Edward's warm, familiar voice. "Are you decent?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered weakly, my thoughts being pushed to the back of my mind. "come in."

He walked in, his eyes sparkling in the light from the open window. I've noticed that a lot lately about Edward. When we talk he sparkles, not literally of course, but his eyes brighten, along with his smile and attitude, depending on the topic.

In those moments he reminds me so much of Jacob in the early stages of our relationship. Every time Jacob looked at me he sparkled like a man in love and to be getting those same looks from Edward frightens me, because I know what's starting to happen, even if he doesn't realize it now, it is still happening. I can not ruin his life. He has all he needs, a child on the way and a beautiful fiancée. Why would he want my baggage as well?

I will not hinder him, and after today I will probably never see him again, that's if I have anything to say about it.

"Are you ready to head out?" he asked eagerly. I wonder what's so special that it has him this excited.

"Yes, just let me get my jacket."

I stood from my spot, walking over to my closet and grabbing my light windbreaker. It was perfectly buoyant for days like this, and I intended to use it.

"Oh, before I forget, I need to make a stop before we get on the way, it'll be short, I promise."

"It's fine Edward. Shall we?"

He moved his arm as I passed, his fingers ghosting along my windbreaker at the small of my back. He treated me as if I were a piece of priceless glass, I was fragile in his eyes, I was fragile in everyone's eyes.

As we walked in the living room I noticed the pointed looks Edward were receiving over my head from Jasper and surprisingly my father. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, um, I heard you were doing better from Jasper over here and I wanted to see for myself. I hear Edward here is getting you out of the house."

"Yeah, I guess he is. I don't know where we're going, but I think I need it."

"You do Bells, you do. You've been eating alright I see. Looks like you put back on a few pounds, you look great kid." I blushed, and Charlie smiled down at me, brushing his finger tips alone my cheek. "There goes my kid," he whispered, his eyes glazing. "I thought I'd lost you for a moment there, but you're on your way back to me. I um, I love you kido."

"I-I love you too daddy." I croaked as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

0o0o0o0o0o0

After the emotional morning with my father Edward and I were on our way. He drove down the winding roads, the car heading towards town. I still had no idea where he was taking me, or where the stop was along the way but I was savoring the peacefulness I was currently feeling. Something about being this close to Edward, about being in this small confined space with him was very…serene

"Are you doing okay over there?" he asked concern.

"I'm-actually I feel light. I don't really know how else to describe it besides being very… Oh god,"

"What Bella? What's wrong?"

"I shouldn't feel this…sitting next to you and feeling this way, I shouldn't, it's not right."

"How do you feel?" he asked, trying to edge me on.

"This is wrong, Edward, I can't feel this."

"What do you feel Bella?"

"No, I can't-"

"What, Bella? You can't what? How? Do? You? Feel?"

"Content, sitting here next to you makes me feel content. But I shouldn't. I lost everything Edward, what kind of person that loses everything feels content? It's wrong."

"Do you think he would have begrudged you happiness? Do you think Jacob would make you feel like shit for being content? He would want you to feel that way. He would want to see your beautiful smile, or that heart stopping blush Bella.

"You know I often think that he was the luck one. Despite what you might think Bella, I think he was lucky the one, because he got to see you at your absolute best. He got to see you laugh and smile and enjoy everyday like it would never end. Yeah, he was the lucky one, because for his short life he got to experience true beauty, he got to experience the love of an amazing woman.

"My only wish now is that you heel and let someone else in. Your life isn't over Bella; you still have plenty of love and laughter, and smiles to share with someone. You just have to find him, but when you do you'll know, and you'll laugh, and you'll smile, you'll live."

"No, I won't."

We drove through the town in silence. I watched the street out the window, people walking about, laughing and enjoying the day. I was lost in a memory of me and Jacob on First beach when Edward's car came to a stop.

"The gas station?" I asked confused.

"The place I needed to stop remember? I was running low, besides that we need snacks."

"Where are we going Edward?" he smiled, shaking his head, before he just walked away.

I was playing around with the window, raising it and lowering it when I saw a familiar orange Rabbit pull up along side of Edwards silver Volvo. I opened my door quickly, my feet taking me to the drivers' side of the orange car. I knocked on the window, my fist banging against the glass.

"Get out of the car." I ordered.

"Hey, what the hell lady?" came a familiar voice as the window rolled down. "What are you- Bells? Shit Bells." Seth said as he got out of the car.

"What are you doing Seth, you can't-"

"Chill Bella."

"No, no, don't you tell me to chill. What are you doing, you can't be driving-"

"Bella?" came Edward's alarmed voice. "Are you okay?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Who's this?"

I looked over at him, then back at Seth. Seth was staring intently at Edwards arms wrapped around my waist, and suddenly I felt very uncomfortable with Edward touching me.

"I'm Seth. Seth Black. Who are you?" Seth asked angrily, as his eyes strayed first to me, then to Edward.

"Black?" Edward repeated. "Oh, you must be-"

"Yeah, I must be Jacobs' brother." Seth interrupted, his voice tense and sarcastic. "and Bella's for that matter. Who are you?"

"I'm Edward, Dr. Edward Cullen. Um, I'm a friend of Jasper Whitlock, and Bella."

"Cullen? Carlisle Cullens kid?"

"Yeah, you know my father?"

"He sometimes comes down to the reservation to tend to a few of our elders who can't make it up to the hospital. He's a good man. So what are you two up to?"

"Um-" Edward started as I grew even more aggravated by the moment.

"That doesn't matter right now Seth. What are you doing with the Rabbit? It's supposed to be at the house."

"Um, actually, Jacob gave me the Rabbit a few weeks before the accident Bells."

"What? He never told me that."

"Yeah, he wanted it to be a surprise. He was talking to a few guys around the res. about getting rid of the Rabbit and the bike, trading them in for something safer for the b-" he broke off, not finishing the sentence because he saw me lose my footing and fall backwards.

"Bella!" both Edward and Seth called, but I was too far gone….

0o0o0o0o0o0o

I awoke on a sofa, not my father's sofa, or Jaspers, but a sofa very, very familiar. "Edward?" I called out, my eyes fluttering open after a minute.

"Bella, you're awake? Seth, she's awake!"

"Mom, she's up!" Seth's voice yelled in the distance.

I heard the patter of four different foot steps, before I sat up and came face to face with the entire Black family. My eyes grew moist as I took in all their faces, Billy and Seth reminding me more of Jacob then ever in this house.

"Bella," Sue whispered, taking a step toward me. I shook my head, moving further into the couch.

"Bella," Edward began. "It'll be alright."

"No, it won't. Why did you bring me here? I didn't want to come back."

"Bella you needed to come back. You need to be here. Seth told me Sue and Billy has been looking for you, trying to get you to visit them since the funeral. What has you so scarred of coming here? This is just a house."

"It's not just a house, Edward, it's his home. This is Jacob. It's too close to comfort. I don't want to be here."

"And what about his family, your family; Sue, and Seth and Billy and Emily, they live here and they love you and they're still your family. Are you just going to shut them out because they're too close to comfort? Do you think Jacob would have liked you to do that? Because I don't. This is his family, and Jacob loved family more than anything. I think he would be disappointed in you, shutting them out."

"I can't Edward, it's just too much. Every time I see them I see Jacob. Billy and Jacob has the same eyes did you know that? Seth and Jacob has the same ears, same jaw line. Emily and Jacob has the same hair, same lips."

"Those are good things Bella; to see him still living through other people, to see apart of him living; that's fantastic." He argued.

"No, they remind me too much of him, and it hurts, it hurts to see pieces of him and not be able to have all of him, Edward."

"Bella Black!" Sue yelled, commanding my attention. "You listen to me. This boy, Edward, he's right. Jacob would be disappointed to hear what you just said. He would be disappointed that you have shut us out. We are a family. Yes, we are missing someone important right now, but we still have to carry on Bella."

"It is not fair. It is not fair."

"No, it is not. But that boy is right. You should be happy that Jacob lives through us. You should be happy that _no matter what_ his presence will still be here. Jacob would want you to be happy."

"I can't. I can't because it is not fair. I don't have anything to remind me of him. I don't have someone with his ears and his nose and his face. That was taken away from me along with him. It is not fair that the only man to love me for whom I really am was taken away from me. It is not fair that I have to live a miserable life while everyone else around me gets to love and laugh and smile. It is not fair that it was my husband that got killed. I've been through too much in life, why couldn't I just get a break for once. Why him? Why my Jacob?"

"Now imagine how I feel?" Sue asked as she stepped towards me. "How we feel. Jacob was my son, Billy's son, Seth and Emily's older brother. And he was taken away from us as well. There was no warning, barely even a phone call from anyone, but all we knew, all we got was that our son was gone. Do you know something Isabella? Besides you losing the baby, to this day, that's all we still know.

"No one, not even Charlie, wants to tell us what really happened that night. So, for my piece of mind, for all of our minds, we want you tell us."

"No," I begged. "Please no."

"Bella look at me." Edward directed. I shook my head, knowing that he could get me to, knowing that he could make me tell. "Bella, just tell them. Tell them what you told me. You can do it, I will be right here, holding your hand every step of the way." He assured me, grabbing my hand for good measure. He leaned in, his lips next to my ear. "Please tell them love. It will help you in the end."

I shivered; an effect I knew came from Edwards close proximity. And something else I also did, I gave in. I told them all what happened that night; from the dinner to the hospital with Charlie. I told them all over and over how losing their son, and brother, my husband, their nephew and grandson was my fault. How it was all my fault. They were silent.

"Is that what you really think Bella?" Sue asked, crossing the last space between us and taking a seat in front of me. "You think killing Jacob was your fault?"

"If I wouldn't have picked a fight with him, if I could have just accepted that once in awhile he likes to grab a beer with the guys."

"No, this is not your fault. He tried to get to you. You were hurt and he tried to get to you and some monster took him away, not you. Everyone has fights. Billy and I had a fight hours before you got here. He refused to put up the goddamn milk." She murmured, amused. "So we had a few choice words for each other, but he is still here. Seth and Emily fight all the time, but they are still here. Everyone fights and they are all still here. So no, this was not your fault. You did not end Jacob's life. If anything you started it. You gave him something to live for each and every day. I'd never seen my son as happy as he was with anyone else but you.

"Bella, I know you lost a lot that night. I mean before that night I would never have even imagined what it felt like to lose a child, much less my husband, but you lost all of that and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you think this mess is your fault. I'm sorry that you hold so much weight on your shoulders. But you need to let it go now, because neither Jacob nor your son would want you to feel this way. We don't want you to feel this way. You just have to keep the knowledge that Jacob and your baby are together and that when it's your time, when you've lived the life that you were supposed to you be with them again someday. But you need to stop sheltering the blame and you need to stop now."

"I miss him Sue. I miss him every day."

"So do we, but he wouldn't want us to stop living. And you have to believe that he would not want you to stop neither."

0o0o0o0o0

With a promise to be at the bonfire tonight, in honor of Jacob, Edward and I were on our way. We left from La Push, his car going on to the Highway and opening up. Surprisingly the Volvo got big speed on the highway.

Edward drove in silence, his radio providing the conversation for the rest of the drive. I was surprised that our side trip to La Push didn't deter his plans for the day. He seemed to be on a mission to take me where ever he'd planed on taking me. So, even though I was tired from the exhausting morning- I was looking forward to being where he wanted us to be.

He took the one-oh-one west, and then he turned left on the one-ten. I knew the path well, Charlie and his annual camping trips, but when we arrived at the paths end Edward didn't follow the hikers trail, he stepped off of it, opting to follow his own beat. I did not question him, a condition from being in the moment, but I was fairly nervous as to why he was leading us a stray.

It was as silent between us as we walked as it was in his car. He didn't find the need to fill our time with chatter and nor did I. It felt slightly uncomfortable, but it was something I was highly grateful for. Edward always seemed to know when I needed space, when I needed peace and when I needed to talk. He just read me like that, he knows me, but he shouldn't.

The walk was not as I feared it would be. The ground mostly flat and Edward held the damp ferns and webs of moss aside for me. When the path led us to fallen trees or pilled up branches he would help me cross the rubble by lifting me by my waist and sitting me back down on the other side. I was thankful.

After awhile my feet began to fail me. I began to slip and trip over objects forcing Edward to be my savor over and over again. He didn't seem to mine, placing his right hand on the small of my back to catch me before I could even think about falling again.

"Are we there yet?" I asked about two hours in. My feet killing me, not just from the falls anymore.

"Nearly," He smiled looking forwards.

He was right, after another hundred yards, I could see a light dancing in the trees ahead, glowing in bright yellows instead of the green we were so unfortunately surrounded by. I picked up my pace, knowing that if I got there sooner I could have a seat somewhere. He let me lead know, his hand falling from my back. I was not prepared for the…loss I felt as his hand slipped away from my back. It was unnerving.

_I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers-violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere near by I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers and warm, glided air._**A/N**

It was something amazing to behold and I was enraptured by it. I turned to find Edward, seeing him sitting at the forest edge staring at me. He looked enchanted but I had a terrible feeling that the beautiful meadow before him had little to do with it.

We lay perfectly still in the grass, Edward making small conversation before giving up all together and singing to himself. I wanted to talk to him, but words seemed like they would ruin this place, and I didn't want to ruin yet another place fore someone.

Edward said something, something that finally broke through my still thoughts and words. Something I had no interest in tainting this place with, but he seemed determined to get it out. "I'm sorry, can you repeat yourself?" I asked, scowling.

"I said did you know, I was reading this poem the other day? It was about death. It was saying how death isn't always bad for you, how sometimes it's good for the soul. How even in death your relationship with the deceased can even grow stronger. It was also talking about moving forwards in life. How you can let someone else in to share in your agony and they might just end up fixing you."

"Well I don't believe that. My husband is dead, I can't see him, I can't hold him. Death was bad for me. It ended my relationship with my husband. And why would anyone want to share in that kind of agony? Are they masochistic?" I asked heatedly.

[/i]"Death ends a life, not a relationship Bella. Just because he's not here doesn't mean you'll stop being his wife, but you can let someone else in. There's nothing wrong with loving someone else. Just let me in?[/i] And if it takes being a masochist to be with you then yeah, I guess that would make _me_ a masochist."

"Why would I let you in more than you already are Edward? You're engaged for god sake, your in a perfectly healthy relationship with a beautiful woman and she is giving you the most precious gift in the world, and you what? You want to trade that for someone broken and damaged in every way possible? You can't fix me Edward! As much as you try, you can't! Sure you make the dreams go away but You! Can't! Fix! Me!" I screamed.

"Why, why can't I fix you? And no, what I have with Tanya is not healthy, it's not even real. I'm ninety-nine percent sure she cheated on me with my assistant, her sisters' ex-boyfriend, the pizza boy and one of my patients. That's why I get so angry every time Alice or my parents call her out on it. I don't like to be reminded that the 'precious gift' she's giving me might not be mine. Do you even know that's why I stay with her? I stay with her because there is a twenty-five percent chance that that kid she's carrying is mine.

"So no, our relationship is not healthy. I gave a girl a ring and a promise because of what she's carrying. I'm one hundred percent sure that there is no love in our relationship. I think that by me knowing the likelihood, that the child might not be mine, is the reason I keep pushing the wedding back. But yesterday when I went home, and I pushed the wedding back again, I wasn't thinking about the likelihood of that child being mine. I was thinking about you. I was thinking about the possibility of being the one to make you smile; of being the one to make you laugh.

"You're not broken Bella, you're in a state of pain right now, but you're not broken. Just let me in and we can do this together. Just let me in and I can make the agony go away. Just let me in, let me love you."

"You don't love me Edward; you haven't even known me long enough to love me. You just see a girl that you think you can play doctor with, but there's no repairing me. I can love only one man and he's gone. You can't replace him. No one can."

"I don't want to replace him." he argued, standing from his seat in the soft grass. "I just want to be with you. You can't really believe that you can only love one person in a life time. There is no way you believe that."

"Of course I believe it. And you won't change my mind. I knew what you were feeling. I knew it from the moment I looked into your eyes straight on. It's the same way Jacob used to look at me, but you shouldn't look at me that way. I am bad Edward, I destroy, I kill. Even f I could believe in what you want me to believe in, I'd ruin you Edward and I…I just can't do that to someone else. I can't do that to _you_."

"Why do you care about me? You just made it perfectly clear that feelings for me would basically be disastrous, so why do you care?" He asked crossly.

The tone of his voice caught me off guard, but I responded the best way I knew how, with the truth. "Because somewhere over the past month or so you became Edward, my friend; you may hate me now Edward, but you'll understand n the long run. I'm doing you favor. I'm saving your life now."

"I can honestly tell you that out of everything in the world saving my life is something you are not doing for me." He looked at me, pain etched to his face. I wanted desperately to make it go away, but I knew that would be anything but helpful. "We should go." He said after a minute, turning his face towards the edge. "The Bonfire starts soon."

I nodded my head, my mind going into overdrive. It is now imperative that I get out of here. I can't mess him up too. I can't kill him….Because somewhere along the way, Edward Cullen made a mark in my heart. He broke into the place where only Jacob knew of; where only Jacob had ever been, my heart.

**

* * *

**

A/N:

_**The paragraph above has been taken from Twilight, Chapter 12. Balancing. Pages. 256-260.**_


	8. Gone

**Finding Love: Chapter 8**  
**Edward Cullen**

_**"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."**_

I tried. I told her how I felt and nothing. The only good thing to come from it was that she did not laugh in my face, but I did try. My feelings for Isabella is something I didn't anticipate happening, they came quickly, appearing from the dark like a shadow, but once the light was turned on they went away; the shadow, not my feelings. No, they're still here, burning me deep to my core. No she did not laugh, that would have been something…something amazing. Isabella did something far worse, she killed all hope.

As we walked from my car, towards the glowing fire, in silence, I felt an abrupt urge to reach out and take her hand. I fought against it, knowing that my heart just couldn't take it. Who knew falling in love with a woman who deems herself unfixable would actually impair me this much?

I expected hurt, pain, but this, this feels like some one has taken apart of me and ran over it with an eighteen wheeler, twice. I feel broken and lost. Like I'm dying slowly and only with time it will end, not my love for her, but life.

"Bella!" yelled Seth from across the fire, waving his hands above his head. Once her name left his lips everyone around the circle looked over, their heads lowering. Bella paused, as if not expecting to see them act this way. I stopped as well, my motions unknowingly synced with hers.

"What's wrong?" I asked curiously, watching her as she glanced at each person around the fire. Her eyes holding unshed tears.

"They're honoring my return. I can not- Edward I want to leave."

"No," I said firmly. She looked at me, pleading. "No more running, Bella, no more."

I grabbed her hand and gently led her reluctant body towards the rising fire. Everyone rose, stepping in line behind each other and waited until we were three feet away to approach us, one by one.

"Ecawe, wa oalo Isabella." Whispered the first man in line. He was around '5'2', his black and gray hair long and flowing. His facial hair covering most of his face, but something told me underneath it he was kind. "Welcome back Isabella." He translated.

He moved to the side, heading back to the fire and allowing the next person to take his place. I took his lead and stepped to the side of Bella, allowing room for the people before her to welcome her back. Seth saw me, and left the line to stand beside me. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

"Thank you for making her come."

"She almost walked away when she saw the people bow to her. Why are they bowing for her anyway?" I asked curiously.

"She didn't tell you?" I shook me head no, and motioned for him to continue. "Jacob was our tribe leader."

"Tribe leader?" I asked; my disbelief clear in my question.

"Yes, tribe leader. Look, I know what you're thinking, 'no one has those anymore,' but we do, and Jacob was ours. It wasn't a choice at first, he was born a Black and it was our great grandfather who founded the Quileute. He was the Chief and his blood line and his alone, are the only ones allowed to carry on the tribe. Dad retired and Jacob had to take it."

"What about now? Who's leader now?"

"I am, or I will be officially after tonight. Because of what happened to the baby, I'm next in line. If he would have survived he would have taken his fathers spot when he grew older. But now I must, and if I produce an off spring then he or she will be next, if not, then Emily, and so on."

"Wow," I said in awe. "Okay, but why tonight? You said tonight it would be official, why now and not sooner, like after the accident happened?"

"Bella disappeared after the accident. You didn't know? God, she really hasn't told you anything. After like a week in the hospital she just disappeared. It took Charlie, my dad, Ben, a few of Chicago's finest and a few private investigators to find her. She was somewhere down south locked up in some rundown hotel room killing herself slowly.

"When she was found they had to rush her to the hospital and hook her up to a few IV's. She was suffering from a severe case of dehydration and starvation. She went there to die and she was doing a great job at killing herself. That's why it took so long to bury Jacob. Bella was MIA and Charlie wanted her to be there, he refused to let her miss saying goodbye to Jacob.

"Once they got her on a plane here, everything started to fall into motion. But now that she's here on the reservation we can finally finish things completely. No one told mom, that's why earlier when she was saying no one told us anything about the accident she was kind of peeved. I knew of course, I knew everything."

"I'm sorry."

"For what, did you kill my brother?" He asked bluntly.

"No, but, this should not have happened to her, to any of you." With a sigh I decided to change the subject. "So why do you need her for this?"

"She was Jacob's wife," Seth said, following my lead and changing the subject. "and that makes her his beta, our beta. She's our version of England's queen Elizabeth. Once the King is dead, it's up to the queen to pass along the torch, but when the queen is MIA the torch must wait until she returns, meaning the ceremony was put on hold until we found Isabella. Now that she's here…."

"She knew, didn't she?" I asked as I glanced over at her.

"Yes, but like everything else that has to do with Jacob, she wants no part of it. I hate this." He exclaimed fiercely. "I hate having to put her through this. I hate that my brother isn't here to pass the torch. I hate that this is the way I have to receive it. I hate that I can't go to my parents house without thinking about my brother or seeing his face everywhere.

"I don't blame her you know, the way she's acting. I would act the same way if it were me. Sometimes I wish it were me instead of him. I mean, I have no one, my life's been great, but I wouldn't have left anyone behind. He had her, and she needs him, because if you care to know it or not, she wont make it without him. I mean you should have seen them together. They were like, the northern lights. They were a spectacle of color and light and magic. They made everyone take a second look at their own relationships or marriages. They were it…but then you come alone, and you begin to make me think about something else, something unexpected. You're in love with her aren't you?"

My head turned around so fast I believe I got whiplash. "I…um…"

"Don't, you are not a good liar. I see the way you look at her, the way you touch her. Jacob was the same way with her. I'm sure she has realized it already, and if I know her at all I know she is not ready for you, for what you have to offer her. She feels marred and misplaced and she does not understand your feelings. You can not push them on her or she will run from you, Edward. And I am afraid that if she runs this time, we will never find her."

I looked away from Seth, my eyes finding Bella. I never even imagined the possibility of her taking off on me. I mean, what Seth said, is obviously too late. I'd already declared my feelings for her and yes, she ran, but that was on emotionally. Would she even consider taking herself away from me physically? The thought had never crossed my mind until this very moment.

After I told her and she rejected me I'd assumed I had time. Time to think, time to reconstruct a new plan, time to be with her at the very least, but this…Seth is right. I forced my feelings on her and now, I don't even know what she's thinking.

After a few minutes of silence Seth rejoined the line. It was moving quickly now so it was not long before his hand was touching hers, but unlike everyone else, Seth gave Bella a hug, then gently lead her to the fire.

I followed behind them, my thoughts still unfocused, and distant.

"Tonight," said the man with the facial hair that was first in line to greet Bella. "we are here, not only to see the future Alpha be initiated, but we are here to welcome our lost Beta back and give respect to our past Alpha. Our tribe has been through a great deal this year, but tonight we can finally put ourselves back on track. Let's begin, shall we."

He sat back down, opening the floor with a gesture of his left hand. Seth stood, pulling a white red and brown candle from on side of him. He walked closer to the fire, tilting the stem of the candle over it and letting the flames rise and ignite the small string. He stood straighter, his eyes scanning the circle as the candle burned bright.

"My brother loved his heritage, he loved his people. He took great pride in what we've accomplished throughout the years and he never once said that he took all the credit. He always dotted that upon us, making sure that we were recognized as well as our people. For that I am proud to say that he was a true Quileute Alpha, like our father before him, and his father before him. Now, it's my turn to continue that legend, and I accept the duty with open arms. Isabella Marie Swan Black, please stand and accept the candle of purity, of love, and of our people."

I glanced over at Bella, her frame shaking, her skin covered in goose flesh. She stood slowly, her fist clenched tight at her sides, her head down. She reached a blind, shaky hand out towards Seth and he grabbed her hand, placing the candle in her hand and closing her fingers around it.

"By blowing out this candle you will be acknowledging the ending of one rang and the beginning of another, do you understand?" She nodded slowly, the candle shaking violently in her hands. All my being was screaming at me to go to her, to protect her from this exposure. She was so bare up there, standing alone, but I couldn't. She had to do this unaided.

"Take your time, Bells." Seth told her, his voice traveling through the still silence.

She took a deep breath and blew out slowly, the flame flicking, but never going out. She savored every moment, letting her breath touch the flame, but also keeping the flame alive. When finally, without and warning, it was out and not only her flame burned out, but so did the raging bonfire behind her. We were consumed in darkness.

I would have be scared shitless if not for the circle of people who each pulled out a white candle and light it with a lighter or match. They knew what was going to happen, and they were prepared.

Bella was seated, once again, when a proper glow from the candles light the area we were seated in and showed her whereabouts. I was stunned. The ceremony continued another thirty minutes, Bella only having to get up twice more. She had parts that I knew, just from seeing, were major to them more then they would have been to an outsider.

After the ceremony Bella was bid farewell by everyone in the same manner that she was welcomed, and shortly after, we were on our way to Jaspers. She was silent the entire ride, and I didn't dare break the still air that surrounded us. But I knew, I knew that as soon as we were back at Jaspers she would lock herself away in her room and she wouldn't submerge for sometime. And I also knew that I would not, could not be there and watch her do it again.

I pulled up in front of Jaspers and put the car in park, killing the engine as well. She made no move to leave and neither did I. We sat silently in the car for over twenty minutes before she spoke.

"You're not coming in are you?"

"No, I'm not." I said, my fist squeezing the stirring wheel tightly. "You should go, I'm sure Jasper is up waiting for you to return."

"I'm sorry I can't love you like you want me to Edward." She whispered, opening the car door. "Like I want me to, too." She said and let the door close behind her.

I opened the car door, jumping out and running over to her. I grabbed her by her waist and spun her until she was facing me. With one confused glance from her I smashed my lips to hers. She struggled against me for a few seconds and when I finally let her go, backing away like she wanted, she clutched on to me and kissed me with as much vigorness as I'd did to her.

I pulled her back to me, tightly, and held on for dear life. I don't really remember what happened after that, I just remembered waking up in Bella's bed with her hair sprawled across my chest, my left arm squeezing her tightly to my body and her lips pressed delicately to my throat. I smiled contentedly as certain things from the night begin to surface….

I remember walking through the front door to see that it was empty, which was unexpected. I remember looking at Bella across the room and rushing to her as she rushed to me with a tight fist and smoldering, lust filled lips. I walked her backwards to her room where we shared something, something so surreal that it had me clutching to her tightly all night….

Bella stirred, her left arm moving up and down my bare chest. I kissed the top of her head, and she settled down. Last night was striking, Bella was just unbelievable and I wanted her, not just for that one night, but for forever, for always. Apart of me, a ghost in the back of my head told me that I was wrong. I was wrong for what transpired last night knowing she was anything but ready. But when she kissed me back, when she pulled me to her I just knew she couldn't fight it anymore. She couldn't fight what's been happening between her and I any longer. I know now that there is only one thing left for me to do, well two, but one couldn't take place for a few more months.

I gently removed Bella's arm from around my waist, kissing her head once more before slowly removing my body from beneath hers. I found my boxers, which were across the room and slipped them on quickly. I dressed soundlessly, glancing at Bella every so often to make sure that she was undisturbed.

I quickly found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote her a lengthy letter telling her when I would be back and what I was going to do and that I loved her. I sat it on the pillow that I had moments ago occupied and with one last kiss and glance, I walked out of her room door and into the hall way.

No one was up as I walked through the house to get to the living room. For some reason that made me feel just a little bit grateful. I don't regret what happened between Bella and I last night, but I knew that Jasper, or Charlie for that matter wouldn't understand. They might think, like I do myself sometimes, that I'm taking advantage of her, but if only they knew that was not my intention.

I drove home in silence, a huge, canary smile on my face. I was in bliss, but when I pulled up to my house and saw a red 'Tahoe' in my driveway my smile fell and it was replaced with a sudden need to vomit.

There is only one person in Forks that drives a red Tahoe and let me tell you exactly who it is, the pizza boy. Now I knew that deceit ran deep in Tanya's veins, but god I hope she has enough decency to not do the pizza guy in my bed. God please….

I cut the engine, taking my time to reach the door. I was not looking forward to finding the two of them naked at all. I stuck my key in my door, making as much noise as possible. But when I could hold off no longer I turned the key and the door flung open, Tanya standing on the other side with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Where have you been all night, Edward?"

"Who's here?" I asked, my finger pointing behind me to the red 'Tahoe'.

"Are you going to answer my question or not?" She demanded.

"Are you going to answer mine?" I cornered. She scowled, but took my hand and dragged me to the living room.

"Edward," she said loudly as she entered; me right behind her. "I would like you to meet Eric. He's Irena's boyfriend. Eric this is my fiancé, Edward Cullen, he's a Doctor."

I stared at the poor kid who couldn't be more than nineteen and flashed a quick-none interested- smile. "And where is Irena?" I asked Tanya as I gestured for her to follow me.

"Bathroom. Come on, I made breakfast for the four of us. I thought we could have breakfast with my sister and then you and I could have the rest of the day to ourselves to go over a few wedding arrangements and then maybe a little fun afterwards."

"I'm not really up for that today Tanya, besides, I want to talk to you about something important. Can't Irena and Eric wait?"

"They're already here Edward. It would be rude of us to send them away now. We'll talk later about whatever it is, after they've left."

"Tanya-" I begin to argue, but was quickly interrupted by a sick and twisted pitch.

"Edward!" Irena greeted from behind us.

I cleared my throat and turned to greet the original succubus herself. "Irena, it's nice to see you again."

"You too. It was super of you and Tanya to have us over this morning. I've been dying to show off Eric."

"I'm sure…" I whispered quietly. "We're happy you two could make it." I assured falsely, reluctantly gesturing towards the living room.

"Well it was sort of last minute, but of course Tanya won me over with her talk of food. I love her meals."

We entered the living room, Eric still seated in anxious silence. I would be anxious too if I were seated between two women I've slept with while also thinking one could be carrying my child. God, the poor kid actually had me feeling sorry for him.

"Irena, why don't you and Eric go on to the table while Edward and I grab the food?" Tanya said, gesturing towards our dinning room.

"Sure." Irena agreed, taking Eric's hand and heading towards the room.

I followed behind Tanya silently going over the things that needed to be done today. I felt like I was going to burst waiting to tell her that I no longer wanted to be with her; that I wanted Bella, and anything besides her would leave me unhappy. I was egger to get back to her, to be with her. But Tanya was making it impossible.

"So Edward," Irena begin as I helped Tanya into the seat at the other end of the table. "I've heard you've been hanging out with that girl a lot lately, that Isabella girl; you know, the one hat killed her hus-"

"Shut up!" I ordered fiercely, interrupting her. "Is this the reason you asked her over?" I demanded of Tanya. "So she could grill me on Bella? Well you know what, you nor she knows anything about that girl and I be damned if I sit her and listen to Irena fucking Denali talk shit about her."

"Is this the way you talk to the woman who's carrying your child you fucker?" Irena yelled across the table. "You know what, my sister deserves better. I don't know why she's wasting her time with a small town doctor in the middle of nowhere Forks when she could have anyone. And then you're cheating on her with a fucking Witch who killed her own husband. Yeah, you're a fucking stand up guy! Eric lets go."

"No," I said, my voice quiet but menacing. "You know what you succubus, who gave you the goddamn right? You're a fucking vampire and you think I'm going to sit here and let you talk shit about someone as amazing as Isabella. You have got to be fucking kidding me. There is nothing in this world that would make any of you more amazing then her. Yeah, I fucking spend time with her, and I'd fucking spend each and every day with her if I could, but you learn the facts before you fucking come into my home and judge me on some second hand information. The reason I spend so much time with that amazingly beautiful girl is because I fucking lo-" I was abruptly interrupted by the sound of my phone going off.

I quickly grabbed it, hoping for it to be Isabella. I would love nothing more then to hear from her right now. But it wasn't, it was Jasper. "Hey Jasper, can I-"

"Where is she?" he asked quickly. His voice cracking, and heavy, as if he were about to begin crying.

"Where is who, Alice? She's at my mom and dads. I'm sure she'll be home later or call you. Look I have to-"

"No, not Alice, Bella! Where the hell is my sister Edward? Is she still with you? I came in this morning and I thought I'd check on her, but when I went in her room her bed was made and there was a letter… from you, but at the end…at the end was Isabella's hand writing. From what I could muster from her words she's gone Edward."

"What do you mean she's gone?" I yelled angrily. "I just left her Jasper. Not even an hour ago."

"I can't fucking find her anywhere Edward."

"She couldn't have just left. She wouldn't have just left me like that. I don't believe you." I told him weakly, grasping on to the table as the room around me began to circle.

"Look, I know you two have been spending a lot of time together, but what happened last night Edward? What happened to make her want to leave?"

"Everything was perfect last night. I took her out, we went to the reservation and then went straight back to… the… house …." Oh god. "I'm on my way over Jasper, call Charlie and my dad. We're going to need all the help we can find. I think she's running again."


	9. How Good it is to Live

**Finding Love: Chapter 9**

**Isabella Swan**

"**It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.**"

"You're killing me Rose." I whined, pouting.

"Izzy, come on. We've only been at it for like what, four minutes? Get in the groove momma to be."

"The groove hurts. My back is killing me."

"Well you are a seven month pregnant lady attempting to do yoga…in a jogging suit." She laughed. "How about we take a break, I want to call my man anyway. He's going through withdrawal."

"I didn't know Emmett did drugs." I said confused.

"He doesn't. He hasn't gotten any in almost a week. He's being starved." She winked and headed towards the gym office.

I met Rosalie McCarty and her husband Emmett at a party that Jacob and I attended during college. Jacob and Emmett had a few of the same classes as they were both going for the same degree. Rosalie and I instantly connected, Emmett almost like a brother to me, like Jasper was to me.

They moved up North after college, Rosalie longing for the small life and mountains. We lost touch, but they welcomed me with open arms the day I showed up here almost eight months ago. No questions asked. They allowed me to go to them in my own time and it helped me a lot….

I'd left him. I woke up and he wasn't there. I was scared that he finally got what he wanted, after all the conversations and the long night promises, he'd gotten what he wanted and left. He used me. I told him everything, he knows about every inch of my life and he used it against me. He used my condition, the last of my sanity for his own personal sick use. And I stupidly fell for it. I fell for him. So I left, with no promise to return and I don't plan to, ever.

"Izzy, do you feel up for dinner at my house tonight?"

"Sure, if you call yoga quits right now!"

With an exaggerated sigh she nodded her head and headed back into her office. I squealed in delight and began to pack my things.

After a few months in the McCarty's guess room I ventured out and brought my own home in the small state of South Dakota. I moved two streets over from Rose and Emmett, wanting to stay close to the only people I knew here.

I was amazed at how welcomed Rose and Emmett made me feel after not seeing them in so long. I wasn't sure where I was headed when I left, but when I got to the airport and saw that the only flight that was boarding at the time was to North Dakota I took my chances and boarded it. Who would have known a week or so later I would find out that I was once again pregnant?

This pregnancy, unlike my first, seemed to be going great. I was right upon the seventh month stretch. I've been stress free during the entire pregnancy, and I haven't fallen or even put myself in a position to fall. But sometimes those things are dimmed when I think about whom this baby belongs to. This child, also unlike my first, was conceived during a moment; a moment of confusion and lies. My child will never know that, but I always will.

This child will only know love and honesty. People that it can count on throughout life will surround him or her. This child will know the beauty that humanity can hold and I will shy it away from the dangers and the less polite things for as long as I can. Unfortunately he or she will not get to meet its grandfather. I haven't spoken to Charlie since the last time I saw him- the night Edward took me out. And when I caught wind of him trying to find me, sending posters to the local police station, I paid some young cop off to throw away the lost posters with my face plastered about. Of course using a portion of my late husbands' money for such a thing was just deplorable of me. But it was the only thing that actually followed me to my new life, besides the life within me.

"Bella, are you ready to go?" Rose called from behind me.

I was more than ready. I'd been packed and sitting in the oval chairs a few minutes after she'd went back into her office. "Yeah, come on Rosie; let's go see your starving man." I wiggled my eyebrows in a very Emmett way and smiled as she rolled her eyes. Emmett and Rosalie were perfect for each other; her broad, blunt personality combined with his humorist, lighthearted out look on life mixed well, extremely well.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"So Emmet and I are going on a vacation next month-" Rose began before Emmett interrupted.

"And it would be totally badass if you would come with us." I bit my lip contemplating.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked suspiciously. They never asked who the father of my child was, knowing Jacob passed away, so of course it couldn't be his. But I knew they had ways of contacting my old life and as much as I loved and trusted them, I was still worried about them doing so.

"Visit some of Emmett's family in Tennessee and then my family in Texas. What do you think?"

"I think that I would just get in you guys way. I mean they're your family and I'd just be the odd girl out. Or should I say the pregnant girl out. Thanks, but no thanks."

"Please Izzy. I'm begging you. I need someone with me when I'm with Em's family, they're nuts."

"Hey!" Em exclaimed. "At least my family doesn't try to molest you. Your uncle Clive really does have a thing for me. I don't know how many times I bent over to retrieve his glasses from under the table."

I chocked on my water, my eyes tearing. When I settled I burst into laughter. "You guys, I don't know. I'm not really up for traveling and this is your families, not mine."

"You're a part of our family Izzy." Emmett guaranteed me.

With an ambiguous sigh, I told them I would think about it.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

At home I flicked on the lights in my house and made myself comfortable in the living room. I grabbed a random book from many on the bookshelves that lined the living room wall and settled in on my couch. I turned the television on, background music and began to read.

It was about two hours later and I was a seventy-five percent of the way finished with 'The great Gatsby' when I heard a name that I wouldn't miss for anything in the world, being said on the 11o'clock news.

I put the book down, my hands trembling as I found the remote and turned the volume up on the screen. "Tonight on the scene we are joined by deputy Dallas Howard of Forks PD. Deputy, could we ask you what happened tonight that resulted in the death of four hostages and the injuries of Officer Lisa Blake and Chief Charles Swan?"

My heart stop and the Asian reporter on the screen went out of focus. I had to go back. I had to make sure my father was okay. I dropped everything and fumbled with my cell to get it open. "Rose," I called as someone picked up on the other end.

"No, Emmett. What's up B?"

"I need you guys to get to my house right away. I have to go and I need help getting back."

"Hold on there B. Where do you have to go?" Emmett asked, a small amount of panic sleeking into his voice.

"To him. Please can you guys just get here?"

"Ten minutes."

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"So you left him? But you didn't know you were pregnant with his child until you were actually here?" Rose asked, understandingly. I nodded with a short sigh.

I'd told them everything. About what happened to Jacob, about meeting Edward, about what I'd just seen on the news. And they'd taken most of it in stride so far but now they had questions.

"And why didn't you tell him after you found out again? Why are you here hiding out?"

"He used me Rose. He played on my emotions and got exactly what he wanted from me. He won't get that chance again and he will never know my child." I said forcefully, placing a soothing hand over my round belly.

"Okay, what do you want us to do?"

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

We were in Seattle sooner than I would have expected. The preparations were quick, according to Rose who'd made them. We had a plan and it was easy; get me in there undetected, which might be difficult considering whom my father is. However, we were determined to do it. Then get me out before they could call Edward Cullen.

We arrived at the hospital around noon on a cloudy Thursday. And as expected the hospital was a mad house. The shooting was only two days ago but civilians and the media were still lingering around.

With my blond wig and ball cap firmly in place, dark glasses attached to my face, and Emmett firmly by my side he walked me unnoticeably into the hospital. I knew the blueprint of this hospital, like I knew the blueprint of my fathers house. I had practically grown up in this place.

We bypassed the nurses station headed to the back of the hospital. Of all the officers that were ever hurt on the job in Forks there was only one room ever used for them. It was a room, on the first floor, the only room that wasn't a supply closet on the hall. And it was two hallways over from the nurses station.

I peeked around the corner once we reached the hall, noting the three officers stationed there. I could do this. I repeated in my head, than I turned to Em. "I can get us passed them, but it'll have to be quick. They'll try to distract us so one of them can run off and get _him_ but as long as we lock the door behind us and get out of the exit before they notice it'll be fine."

"Well lets do this than." He took my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and we walked determinedly towards my fathers' room.

"I'm sorry, but no one other Doctors are allowed on this hall folks." Officer Jonathan Malik sated as Em and I mover forward.

"Of course, but I'm sure the Chiefs daughter is allowed to see her father, am I not John?" I asked taking off my wig, hat and glasses.

"Isabella Swan, where in the hell have you been?" he asked with relief in seeing me safe.

"Trying to survive. I want to see my dad John."

"Of course. Come on, he'd be happy to know you came." I noticed the quick motion of his eye, as he glanced at on of his deputies. They were going to call Edward. That was way sooner than I expected. "He's um…not woke. They had to sedate him, put him an medical induced coma. But they're going to take him out of it soon. Not today, but soon. Maybe you'll still be around when they do." He hinted.

I smiled sadly at him, before taking Em and walking into my fathers' room. I asked John to wait out in the hall and he agreed. As soon as the door closed, Em locked it. "Ten minutes, no more." He warned. "And you probably don't have that."

"Daddy," I cried as I wobbled to his bedside. "Oh dad, what have you done? God old man, you're never supposed to be the hero. Get your men out and get yourself out. That was the promise you made to me." I lifted his left hand, placing it lightly on my ball, which was formally known, as my stomach. "This kid, it's going to need its pop, so you can't keep doing crazy things old man. I want you to meet your second grandchild okay. It needs somebody to teach it how to fish, because lets face it I sucked. I love you so much dad. Oh my god, did you feel that? It kicked for you daddy. It never kicks for anyone, but it did for you. I'm going to carry to full term this time daddy. I'm going to have my baby." I assured his sleeping form tearfully.

"Bell, I can hear them. You don't have any more time. We have to go."

I watched as Emmett made his way over to the exit door, pulling out his phone to call Rose and tell her where to meet us. I quickly pulled out the letter I'd written for my father with an ink pen and a sonogram of my baby as well. I wrote the letter knowing that only he would know how to decipher it. I placed it along with the picture under his pillows. I took the pen, uncapping the cap and drawing a heart in the middle of my fathers hand. Coloring it in with messy wiggles. I placed a single kiss in his palm before the banging on the door began.

"Isabella!" I heard him scream from the other side. "Go get someone to open the door. Hurry." He urged someone outside with him. "Please Isabella, please open the door. Baby please, god Isabella please. I need you so much." He cried from the other side.

"Izzy, we have to go." I nodded my tear stained face, but my body wouldn't move. "Izzy." Em called again.

"Move!" I heard Edward shout from the other side. "Get back, I'm going to kick it in. Isabella, if you're by the door, baby please move." I didn't.

"Izzy!" Emmett yelled. "Get your ass away from there." He grabbed me, pulling me away from the door as the first blow sounded. "We're leaving." Em stated, half carrying, half dragging me towards the back exit. "Rose." He called as we pulled us through the door.

The next pair of arms around me was Roses and she was pulling me into the back of the car while Em took over the driver's seat. We were halfway across the lot when the exit door swung open again and Edward came barging out. He seemed to grab his chest at the exact same time I grabbed my abdomen. After that I couldn't see him clearly, he was just a picture against a darkening frame. And as Em drove further away he became a distant memory.

"I can't believe we just came out of that undamaged." Rose commented as we drove out of town.

I just cried. I don't think all of us came out of that undamaged at all, not at all.

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

**18Years later**

~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~0o~

"Mom come on!" Nathan called from downstairs.

I was stalling, my son was leaving me today. He graduated high school two months ago and today he was off to UCLA. I didn't want him to go. I have never been more than a few blocks from him his entire life.

"Bell!" came my fathers' fragile tenor. "Would you come on, the kid has to go."

My father…he found me three weeks after I'd visited him. He told me, as soon as he could, why it had taken him so long. He'd said he'd woken up three days after I'd visited him, confused. He said a day later he was told that I'd visited. 'Once my room was empty I searched it feverishly. I found it twenty minutes later under my pillow. Just like when you were a kid.' He'd told me. 'I read it six times trying to decipher your message. Than I read it once more. The memories you wrote about all lined up with numbers. When you lost your first tooth, you were _seven_. The first number in your old address when you lived with Jacob _seven_. It became easy after that. So I took more time off, with my injury that was possible. And I came right here.' I'd never been more proud of myself when I opened my front door and saw my father standing there. Finally, we were a family again.

"I'm here," I murmured sadly as I stepped into the living room.

"Mom, don't be like that. You know I will miss you most of all." Nate whispered as he pulled my frame to his. "I'll miss you so much mommy."

"No you won't," I cried. "you'll get out there and forget all about your poor mother. You'll become one of those crazy surfer boys and I'll never recognize you."

"Mom…."

"Okay, okay…so let's go over this once more. If you need anything?" I quizzed.

"Call you, but call pop first because he's closer."

"If you don't like it?"

"It doesn't matter if I don't because I have to stick it out."

"Good boy, and last but not least?"

"Call you every chance I get. Mom I know the list. It'll be fine, you'll see. Besides, you'll get so busy you won't even have time to miss me."

"I doubt that kid. Have lots of fun, but also study. I'll see you for thanksgiving. Oh, and don't forget to stop by aunt Rosie's and uncle Em's'. Emmett and Skylar wants to see you before you head out. I love you. Now go before I change my mind."

"I love you too mom. Come on pop, we have a long drive ahead of us. I'll call when we make it mom, I love you."

"Love you too…." I whispered as he and my father walked out of the front door that has been there protecting him from the outside world his entire eighteen years of life.

The first month was the worst. My father visited as often as possible, but my home still felt hollow. Nate called every Friday at ten, as promised, but it wasn't the same as having him home. Rose tried to keep my spirits up but without my son near nothing seemed to work. And Skylar, god bless her soul, tried in vein to replace Nate's absents with plenty of smiles. Somedays it worked others it didn't.

By late October, my spirits were lifting. I was practically skipping, knowing that my boy would be home in less than a month. I had it all planed out, our thanksgiving. My father was coming over. Rose, Skylar, little Emily and Em were all coming over and I was excited. It was going to be a huge family affair.

On November tenth Nate called me and after our usual greetings and Q&A session he went silent. "What is it Nate?" I asked as the silence began to worry me.

"Um…it's about thanksgiving beak-"

"What about it?" I asked suspiciously.

"Mom, please don't get angry." He begged.

"What's going on Nathaniel, tell me this instant?" I demanded.

"My friend Leo asked me over to his families place for the holiday break and I want to go." I wasn't angry. I was extremely disappointed, but I was _not_ angry. I haven't seen him properly for nearly four months and he doesn't even want to come home. "Mom?"

"Sure honey. You go to your friends. We'll see you for Christmas. You are coming home for Christmas, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. I love you ma."

"I love you too, kido. Behave and ring me when you've finished class for the week. Good-" He hung up his phone before I could finish. "night." and again, my mood had shifted. Another month.

"So how has Sky been doing in school? Is she enjoying her last year?" I asked Rose as she popped her famous blueberry pies into the oven. They were the very last things to be prepared for our thanksgiving dinner.

"She loves it, but she's already looking at colleges. I hate it. I think she's going to follow her hero to UCLA though. You know those two were always mimicking each other. I always thought that they would hook-up. I thought that we would be in-laws. But they were always like 'ew' and 'no way'. Still, they gave each other those looks. But I guess they meant those 'ew's' and no way's, they both took someone else to prom."

"I know," I conceded. "But Nate came home and all he could talk about was how beautiful Sky looked. I asked him what Sky was wearing and he described it in detail; her canary yellow dress, her silver heels, her yellow diamonds. Then I asked him what his date was wearing and he said, 'I think she was wearing something blue.' I told him she sounded beautiful. And with a wistful smile he said, 'yeah, she really was.' You know, maybe they still might end up together. They have plenty of time." I assured her.

"Yeah. It sucks that he's not going to be home today. How are you doing honey?"

"Fine, okay…I guess. I don't know. I miss him, you know. He's my little boy and I was looking forward to seeing him, but I guess he's growing up and he doesn't feel the need to spend every holiday with his mother. I guess I should get used to it. I mean…he's going to meet someone someday-hopefully Sky- and he's going to want to spend the holidays with her and her family and I'll see him every now and than, but it won't be the same. He'll have his own family and start his own traditions. I'll just be here alone."

"Hey," Rose spoke as she came closer to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "if we're lucky, he and Sky will really end up together." We giggled like world known schoolchildren and hoped for the best, because if they did end up together, nothing would change.

The month of December was rolling in beautifully. The snow had yet to fall, but the wind didn't wait on it to blow fiercely. Emmett, the amazing friend that he is, helped me put up all my outside Christmas decorations. With the outside down it was time to focus on the interior.

I'd found the perfect tree almost instantly. I'd went to _Lows_ and walked through the garden section for all of two minutes, when I saw a real, full, evergreen tree. I brought it instantly and decorated it the next day with all of Nate's ornaments, the homemade ones and the ones he brought when he was old enough to buy them. The star, as always, remained untouched. Of course, that was always left for pops or Nate. The only two men in my life.

The days leading up to Christmas day were dull, uneventful and tiring. However, all the plans were set in stone. Rose, Emily, Sky and Emmett would, like thanksgiving, join me, my father and a promised to be here Nate. I was ecstatic….

* * *

**AN: I hope it was worth the wait...**


	10. Brothers from Another Mother

**Finding Love: Chapter 10**

**Edward Cullen  
****"****The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.****" **

**by **

**William Somerset Maugham quotes**"

"Alright, I think that will do Mrs. Falltrip. You can go change. Make an appointment with my receptionist and I'll see you then."

"Or maybe we can see each other before then." She said as she walked towards me letting her light blue gown fall.

I looked up from my note pad only to look away again. It was gross and I'm sure it constitutes as sexual harassment.

"Mrs. Falltrip, please pull up your gown."

"But doctor, I think there's something wrong with my chest." I gagged, just a little in the back of my throat.

"_Mrs_. Falltrip." I exclaimed, stressing the Mrs. "You came to me to be treated for a case of the _clamps_. I hardly think what you are offering is something that I would be interested in. Now madam, please pull up your gown and leave my exam room."

Before she could speak again I left. I was so through with this day.

"Tiff," I said as I passed up my receptionist. "I'm done for the day. And if you would be so kind as to find a new physician for Mrs. Falltrip I would love you forever."

"She did it again?" She called after me.

"She offered me Clamps!" I yelled back. I exited the building with Tiffany laughing behind me.

From the office, I headed straight to my parents house. I was in no mood to travel to Port Angeles right now. Besides, I missed my mothers cooking. When I arrived, my mothers car was the only car in the drive. I pulled in on side of her and headed inside.

"Mom!" I called as I walked into the familiar dome.

"Kitchen!" she called back.

I found my mother in the kitchen, the room smelling like a five star restaurant. And looking like one. Food covered every inch of the room, all plated and ready to serve. My mother was decorating a yellow cake in the middle of it all.

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked confused.

"What?" She asked just as puzzled.

"Well, you have like twenty dishes of food. Did someone die?"

She scoffed. "Edward, you don't remember what day it is?"

"Should I?" I asked, once more confused.

"Oh god Edward. Well I guess you don't remember that Nardo is on his way home either, do you?"

"Why is he coming back so soon? He just got there. Did something happen?"

"Edward, my sole. What has been going on with you?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"No, you haven't been fine for over eighteen years." My mother told me. "I thought at first it might be the pressure of being a new dad, but you were always fine with Nardo. A little distant, but fine. Then as time went on, I thought it could have been his mother, but you never talked about her. Now you don't even remember that today is thanksgiving and that your son is on his way home. Who has hurt you like this Edward? What happened to _my_ son, _my_ sole?"

"I'm fine ma. I'm going to go clean up. When is everyone expected to be here?"

With a sad sigh, she answered, "Twenty minutes. Nardo called a while ago. He'd just left Port Angeles. He should be at least by La Push right now."

"Okay, I'm going to go wash up-take a bath. I'll see you in a minute."

"Okay, I just brought some of your old things up to your old room a few days ago. You should find it on your couch."

"Thanks ma."

I took as quick a shower as I could. Then I headed back into my old childhood room to think.

My mom wasn't entirely wrong. I knew I was different from the boy she raised. Ever since that day at the hospital where I'd lost all track of Isabella, again…I just shut down. I mean she was there, right in front of me and she got away. She didn't want me.

I stayed in my room for as long as was respectable. To be truthful I wasn't up for a family day. I wanted to see my son, but I could go without seeing everyone else.

"Grandpa Carlisle." I heard a small voice mutter as I walked down the stairs. I instantly knew the small voice. It was my nephew Julian. Alice and Jaspers first kid. She was now pregnant with her second.

"And that?" A hoarse voice asked. It was unfamiliar to me, but it drew me in.

"Uncle Edward. You look like him."

"I told you!" Exclaimed my son. The sound of my sons voice had me descending the steps two at a time. "I told you he looked like my dad. This stuffs creepy."

I stepped into the living room, everyone instantly quieting down. Their eyes found me and they stared. I-on the other hand-was in shock. Sitting next to Julian was a young man that looked almost exactly like me. Except his nose…that wasn't my nose.

"Dad," Leonardo called as he stepped towards me. "This is my friend Nathan. Nate, this is my dad."

The boy stood, walking towards me with an extended hand. "Nice meeting you sir. Leo talks about you all the time."

"Nice to meet you as well. You look so much-"

"Dinner is ready boys!" My mother called from the dinning room. I let go off Nathan's hand and gestured towards the dinning room. I followed everyone in.

My dad was already sitting at the head of the table when everyone entered. He stood greeting everyone with a hug and a handshake. When he got to Nathan, he stumbled a bit then glanced at me. After a short pause, he shook Nathan's hand and reclaimed his seat.

It was an awkward beginning…everyone silently looking from me to Nathan. No one talking. Then there was Jasper who was obviously tired of cutting around the bushes.

"Where are you from Nathan?"

"South Dakota." He answered politely.

Eyebrows raised, Jasper was stunned. "That's far. Why are you going to school on the west coast?"

"The sun." he answered with a smile. "Plus UCLA is one of the best schools, for me anyway."

"What are you studying?" Jasper asked nonchalantly.

"Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. I want to be a doctor." He said nervously, glancing over at me. I smiled encouragingly.

"Wow, and your parents can afford that?"

"Jasper," Alice hissed.

"It's okay." Nathan assured her. "Um, yeah, but it's just my mom and me."

"Just you and your mother?" My mother asked.

"Yes Ma'am."

"And did you have your grandparents?"

"Um, just my moms dad. He's actually from around her. Charles Swan, the old chief of police."

Water exploded from my mouth as his words sunk in. "I knew it!" Jasper exclaimed. "Goddamn it, I knew it was your fault!"

"Julian," my mother called down the table.

"Yes mamoo?"

"Can you go into the living room and watch some television?"

"But I haven't finished my peas."

"It's okay; I'll eat them for you." Julian left as soon as the words left her mouth. He didn't care what happened to the peas, just as long as he didn't have to consume them himself.

When Julian was in the all clear I spoke. "Isabella Swan is your mother?" I asked Nathan softly. Fearing that if I spoke any louder he would disappear.

"Yeah, here." He pulled out his wallet and opened it up. He handed it to me. Inside was a picture of three adults and two children. Two women- one I knew so well and one blonde. A man, his arm around the blonde and the two children. One of which was Nate and the other a little girl with blonde hair, her hand locked with Nate's.

I focused back on the one I knew well. And traced the picture- her face. She was stunning. Her long brown hair shinning in the sun, her eyes dancing with the joy of motherhood. She was beautiful, happy.

"Edward, I think it's about damn time you started telling us the truth." My mother demanded.

"I-"

"Now!" she shouted.

I nodded, handing Nate back his wallet. "I guess I'll start from the beginning, from Leo. As you all know, I met Tanya, Leo's mom about three months after I moved back home. I thought she was beautiful, amazing, very smart. I loved her instantly-so I thought- and one thing led to another and five months later she was pregnant. I moved her into my home and I proposed. I thought it was only right. I was an idiot.

"Three weeks after she moved in I went home early, hours early. I wanted to see her, surprise her. Unfortunately, she surprised me. With pizza, in bed, with the boy that delivered it. I broke of the engagement and I asked her to move out. She did. She moved in with her sister Irena-who incidentally was not her sister at all. No, not her sister but her lover. Which I found out five months later when I found them in bed, with Irena's teenage lover. I'd just come back from the cabin, looking for Isabella and their they were, in my bed.

"Anyway, after the first time, I did eventually forgive her. I let her move back in and we put the wedding back on. Then about four in a-half months later someone at my job died. I had to go to his funeral and that is where I met Isabella, your mother Nathan. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and she was in so much pain. She was at the funeral of her late husband, Jacob Black."

"My mother was married?" Nathan asked shocked.

"Yes, I should let her tell you the rest of that. It's her story to tell. Anyway, she was there and out of everyone, she was the only one not crying, yet she looked the saddest. I approached her and I spoke to her. She didn't say a word. That night I went over to Jasper's place, your mother still on my mind hours after I'd seen her. I wanted to offer my help. I thought that I could help her, I was wrong. She turned out helping me.

"She ended up at Jaspers as well that night. Haven run from her fathers house. She fell right into my arms when I opened the door for her. From that night on, she spoke to me about almost everything. She kept it all in until I was able to get to her so she could tell me. Over the short amount of time we spent with each other I fell in love with her. I knew I wanted to be with her and no one else. So I spent most of my time with her. Every free moment I had went to her. I knew she wasn't ready for what I wanted, but I wanted to wait for her, until she was ready.

"And then one day she was. I didn't mean for us to go as far as we went, but we made love and I knew that I couldn't be with Tanya anymore. I mean we weren't…you know. We hadn't for a long, long time, but I couldn't let her believe that outside of my child I wanted anything to do with her. So after Isabella and I made love I left early that morning to go tell Tanya that she should start looking for a new place to live. But when I got to my house, she had ambushed me with a visit from Irena who I believed to be her sister at that time and Irena's young lover.

"I was pissed, because I wanted to get it over with already. I wanted to get back to Isabella. I asked Tanya to ask them to leave, that we needed to talk, but she wouldn't. Then I got the call from Jasper. Isabella had runaway. I got a group together and we went after her. We never found her. Then about seven months later your grandfather was caught in a cross fire and he was hit trying to save one of his officers life. He was in a coma for a week. It was all over the news. Isabella must have seen it. She came down here with a woman and a man. I assume it was the ones in your photo. They locked themselves in your grandfathers room and by the time I kicked the door open they were in the car driving away. It was the last time I ever saw a glimpse of her. She must have been pregnant with you Nathan, at the time. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I wish I had known about you. I would have never stopped looking the second time. I would have eventually found you.

"Leo, I almost missed your birth. Tanya was furious, to say the least, that I still wanted nothing to do with her, only you. She thought that she would get back at me by not letting me see you born and giving you up for adoption without my knowing. But thankfully your grandpa was there. He called me and I came right away. Your mother, however, was furious about that too. She um…told me some awful things after she gave birth, but I didn't listen to her. I took you two days later and we never looked back."

"What did she tell you?" Leo pleaded.

"Leo, that doesn't matter. She doesn't matter."

"What did she say?" Leo shouted.

With a sigh, I told him. "That you weren't mine. That she had no idea who you were for. That she'd slept with plenty of guys while we were together and any of them could be your father. She was just certain that you weren't mine."

A phone buzzed from across the table and Nathan reached in his pocket pulling his out. "It's my mother. I have to take it. Excuse me." He stood answering his phone as he exited the room. "Mom hey. No. Yeah, where is he?"

I followed Nathan with my ears and eyes as he left the room. Isabella was on the other side of that phone. She was so close.

"So," Leo said wryly. "Nathan _is_ your son?" I looked at him confused. He sounded upset.

"Isn't that why you brought him here? Because we look so much alike?"

"I brought him here because yeah, I thought he looked like you. I thought that on your travels you slept with someone and had a kid out of wedlock. I didn't know I was going to find out that you had a son that you would have rather been with. I didn't know that I was going to find out that my mother was a whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. I didn't know that I was going to find out that I was unwanted since conception, that I might not be yours."

He stood, running out of the dining room. I stood to follow behind him, but my mother stopped me, grabbing my wrist. "Go to him, Edward. Tell him about the time he got sick. Tell him the truth."

"I will mom."

I found Leo in the green room. The only place he ran when he was upset. When he was old enough to drive and he and I would get into it. He would drive from Port Angeles all the way to Forks, just to sit in his grandmothers green room.

"Leo," I whispered as I sat next to him. "Leo, what you think-"

"You love Nate's mom, don't you?"

"Yes, I always have."

"Did you ever love my mother?"

"Yes, at one point. But a person can only take so many heartbreaks. Tanya did things that I could have never forgotten. I could never forgive her for what she did. The risks she took while carrying you, my son."

"Am I?"

"Are you what?"

"Am I your son? You said yourself that my mother was a whore."

"I never said that." I argued. "And she is not your mother. Esme was the strongest woman figure in your life. Don't disrespect that position she played in your life for you by thinking of Tanya in her place."

"Sorry. But you implied that Tanya was a whore. That she slept around with god only knows how many men. How are you sure that I'm yours? I mean, I don't look anything like you. Not really, except for my uncontrollable hair. Where are you in me?"

"I have something to tell you. Something I never thought I would ever tell you. You almost died when you were five."

"What?"

"You came down with something. Something I'd never heard of. It was one of those rare diagnoses that are passed through family bloodlines. Somehow, you got it. I tracked down Tanya and made her give me her family's medical history. We tracked down about twenty of her family members and they all were very helpful, but we found out that it wasn't from her side of the family. So we tracked down mine. I didn't have many records because my dad had left me and my mom when I was young and my mom was killed when I was six or seven years old. Whatever medical history I had died with my mother.

"So instead of focus on that, we looked into finding the men Tanya had slept with. I knew who a few of them were and she eventually gave me the names of the others. I almost died when I saw the list. I got myself checked for some unnamables. I found out that I was in the clear after a week or so. Anyway, you needed blood. None of the guys on the list matched your type-O-neg. I did. I never wanted to take a DNA test with you Leo. You were mine from the moment I saw you, but them telling me that my blood fit yours and I was going to save your life…. You are my son Leo. You have always been mine. So no, you don't have my eye color, or my hair color. But you have my nose, my mouth, my jaw line. You are my son. You are mine. And I love you with all the love a man can have for his first born."

"If Nate's mom wouldn't have left you, we would be a family right now, wouldn't we? What I mean, is that Nate and I would have grown up together. We would have been brothers."

"If Nate's mom would have given me the chance…yes, we would have, but she left me. And she took my kid with her. I'm thinking that the woman I thought I knew didn't really exist."

"Well, from what Nate told me of her and what you've described, she does dad. She does exist. Nate wants me to meet her, for Christmas. I think I'll go. I sort of want to meet the woman who would have been my mother."

"You are going to meet Isabella?" I asked my son in utter astonishment.

"Yeah-" he answered before he was cut off by Nate…his brother.

"That was my mother. She called to see how my day was going. And to make sure that I was still coming home for Christmas. I told her yes. I was wondering if you guys-both of you- would like to come home with me. Give my mother a real Christmas surprise."

* * *

**AN:I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Um I think this story is really coming to an End. The characters just aren't talking to me anymore and I really don't want to drag it out longer than need be. I'll write about two-to-three chapters but no more than three. I hope by than the characters would have said all that they needed to say. Anyhow-thanks for reading and staying with this story. _Love_** ~_FMJ_~


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